How Do You Communicate in a Relationship When You're Both Too Angry To Speak?

Making up is hard to do when neither person wants to give in. Relationships reach a stalemate unless someone steps up as a mediator. How do you choose the person you trust to be an impartial mediator when you and your loved one are not on speaking terms? How do you reduce the the anger enough to take the first step toward reconciliation? How do you  bring up the sensitive issues that cause pain beytween you and your loved one? Can you address past hurts and resolve them and still maintain your relationship? When do you know you need a counselor to step in