HELP! - “REJECTION. How do I handle it?”

In our HELP! SITUATION SPOTLIGHT™ series, we shine the light on challenges that community members have shared with me. This episode is, “REJECTION. How do I handle it?”

The dream job that you desperately desired and did not get. The new romantic relationship that you knew was “the one” that dissipated into a cruel void of emptiness. The “forever” friendship that ended abruptly. REJECTION.

In all of its forms it is searingly painful and brings to the surface the most powerful emotional responses possible. Why did they get the job/work assignment/ promotion and  not you? Why are they dating them and not you? What is wrong with you? What could (or should) you have done differently? Rejection has the potential to trigger deeper issues within ourselves and bring historical abandonments and rejections (parents, past jobs, past personal relationships, etc.) roaring to life to wreak havoc in our minds and our behavior. We could enter into the downward and destructive spiral of telling ourselves, “You are never good enough.” We will not.

How do we “handle” rejection? We don’t. We acknowledge it. We refuse to “accept” it and we leave it where it is. We do not pick it up and carry it forward with us. We do not pick it up and pull it close into our minds and think about it continuously allowing it to trigger past pain and regret.

We define ourselves and our value. If we predetermine that we have value and we have a strategy and plan for our lives (personal and profession), it does not matter what “they” think and do. Their rejection is just that. It belongs to them. We must leave it there. A Buddhist parable illustrates this point of leaving “the gift” of rejection with the person who is offering it (http://www.uua.org/re/tapestry/children/loveguide/session12/sessionplan/stories/168913.shtml).