Why is domestic violence set to ruin the man?

Domestic violence is a very serious matter. But people these days have so much time on their hand to judge everyone else's life and not their own. At what point do you give a grown individual a pass because they choose to stay with a man that puts his hand on him and then when they finally leave they're the victim? At what point has grown people are we not to be held accountable for our own actions? Whenever you hear anything about domestic violence people automatically assume the man is the bad guy. Let's talk