Hard Night On the Bieber, or, "Love in a Closed Garage"

Tonight on a Belieber Edition of the Never Daunted Radio Network, we give precious airtime and attention to the plight of beleagured immigrant Justin Bieber, hot off his DUI arrest in Miami Beach last night. We'll ask why his exploits even matter, and get to the truth of why he's on everyone's lips.

Next, they say love is blind, well in the case of two young, dead lovers believed to have died of carbon monoxide poisoning after parking their car in a garage for some 'hanky panky'...it's pretty dumb as well. We'll tell the sad tale of a couple who couldn't keep their hands off each other long enough to not die a stupid death.

Later, a University of Minnesota-Duluth student has had her fingers and thumbs amputated after nearly freezing to death in December following a drinking game. Lucky for her, she might still be able to slip what's left of her hand between the handle of a beer mug.

And finally, because you needed more nightmares in your life, A ghost ship filled with cannibal rats is floating somewhere off the coast of Scotland, ready to crash ashore and unleash its disease-ridden cargo of starving rodents. And it's all because Canadian authorities let the Soviet-era nightmare liner loose in the North Atlantic, satisfied that it was no longer a threat to Canada. We'll speculate on how this could lead to the Zombie Apocalypse we've all feared.

All that and more, tonight on the Never Daunted Radio Network!