"Relationship Tuesday" Always Attracted to the Wrong Person? End the Pattern

Stop falling for the wrong person and have the relationship you really want.

Patterns are your automatic, default ways of being. They’re how you naturally react to circumstances in your life. Patterns are everywhere. Life is full of them. Maybe your pattern for dealing with stress is to grab your credit card and log onto Amazon. Or run to the refrigerator, or vent to your best friend. If it’s what you “find yourself” doing when you haven’t thought about your options or made a conscious decision, it’s a pattern in action.

Maybe your pattern for dealing with a new or uncertain situation involves talking excessively to break the ice. Or climbing up or telling self-depreciating jokes. Whatever your natural response is, that’s your uncertain situation pattern. Not surprisingly, you have patterns in relationships too. Everything from who you love to how you love is a series of patterns you’ve developed and honed over the years.

The kind of person you’re attracted to is no exception. In fact, it’s probably one of the biggest and baddest patterns there is. People come to me all the time wondering, “Why am I attracted to ()?” Why am I attracted to people who treat me badly, emotionally unstable men, legally unavailable men, gold digging women…I’ve heard it all. And the truth is, I don’t know why you’re attracted to them. Sure, maybe you’re afraid on commitment.  Maybe the nice, stable, available partner also leaves you feeling scared and vulnerable. But in the end, the why doesn’t matter all that much.

What really matters are not necessarily understanding your pattern, but changing it. What really matters is that you start acting in service of your broader intention to be in a happy, healthy relationship instead of running on auto-pilot and letting your pattern call the shots.