Power - The Great Divide Between Butches and Femmes.

In the World, power is a concept with two very different meanings--'power to' and 'power over.' . ‘Power to’ refers to the ability of a person to change the circumstances of her life by creating and exercising options. 'Power over' refers to the ability to limit the options of others.

Insecurity tends to make some people try to control situations and outcomes. Surely this imposes some inconvenience or friction on other people.

A strong interest in achieving power and control in a relationship, ironically, can produce in a primary aggressor, the ‘feeling’ of being controlled. This is because the disquieting effects of a partner’s independent actions trigger coercive responses that are in the primary aggressor’s repertoire but not in their self image.

Love includes an interest in the empowerment of the partner. Power over and love are incompatible. Love leaves room for influence and leadership, but influence can’t be forced. Leadership is based on attraction not compulsion. When an interest in power over and control is held by either partner, escalation and abuse are inevitable.