Intimacy Through Transparency

Transparency. What a tricky, dangerous word. The truth is transparency is the key to an intimate marriage or relationship. In fact, I would argue, you simply cannot have intimacy without it. If you are not your authentic, transparent self, then there is a wall dividing you from your spouse or sugnificant other. You are building a false intimacy based on a lie.

But what is transparency? Is it expressing every feeling I have every moment that I have it? No, because feelings and emotions are fleeting things, based on a wide variety of elements. Hormones, overdue bills, clingy kids, a hard day at work, can all effect our emotions. No, instead, transparency is showing your spouse your true, authentic self, sharing your deepest secrets, darkest fears, and riskiest dreams. This kind of transparency, when shared between two people who keep one another’s sacred trust, leads to the greatest kind of intimacy. Knowing deeply and being deeply known. Not only that, as marriage partners we then have the singular privilege of walking hand in hand with one another through all the triumphs and failures of life, of being our partner’s biggest fan, shoulder to cry on and voice of reason. Sadly, many marriages, even after years, never reach this level of transparency, or if they once did, this knowledge gets lost in the minutiae of life.