Are You Burning Bridges Pre-maturely?

Severing ties with people who drain us has become kinda trendy. While I whole-heartedly believe in cutting cords with somebody who repeatedly drags you down, this isn’t always easy.

For example, if it’s a family member or spouse, getting up one day and leaving without any future contact is unrealistic. In some cases, yes, but that’s rare. In most cases, there’s many cords still attached that brings that person back into your sphere in spite your best efforts. If you burned that bridge abruptly or hostilely, leaving that person in a state of confusion or bitterness, they will come back in some way.

Now, I know some of you are debating me, because sometimes abrupt tie-cutting is needed ~ narcissists, abusers, and the like. I’m not referring to them. I’ve never been in a relationship with a narcissist or an abuser. Nor have my clients. For those cases, seek counsel from professionals with that knowledge and experience.

I’m referring to relationships with ongoing challenges, but not necessarily high conflict. Many marriages or cohabitation arrangements experience a constant unrest or tension that they learn to cope with in various ways, some of which are unhealthy. The main societal messages give us 2 options: 1) Stick it out no matter what, because divorce means you failed. 2) Duck and run, because you deserve better. Both of these paths lead to more anxiety and suffering. Consequently, many people stay stuck in an unhealthy situation far too long, while others leave and experience a different kind of pain or bitterness. A minority of people are able to heal from unhealed trauma.

Maybe there’s a 3rd option. I believe we can learn healthier coping mechanisms for common relationship challenges. Bringing more of these skills to our current relationships will help us fill our own cups and start our healing now, instead of staying in limbo or creating even more undue pain for ourselves.