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Did you grow up in a home with a problem drinker? If you did, you may have been impacted more than you know. Adult Children of Alcoholics share several common characteristics. They tend to feel different or isolated and uneasy with other people. They are intimidated by authority figures or people who are angry. They seek approval from others and lose themselves in the process. They are people-pleasers.
They feel responsible for other people and put their needs before their own. They are terrified of abandonment, and will do almost anything to maintain a relationship even (or especially) if it is unhealthy. They tend to hide their feelings both as children and as adults. They often confuse love with pity and tend to love people they can rescue. They thrive on drama rather than healthy relationships because that is what they grew up with. They often become alcoholics, marry alcoholics or both. The list goes on.
On this episode of The Bubble Hour our guests will share their experience both with growing up in an alcoholic home and in a home with someone in recovery.
Dr. Cathy Reimers, Ph.D., psychologist in New Jersey, and co-host Jennifer Russello, parent in New Jersey, continue the discussion on alcoholism in the American family and the impact that alcoholic parents have on children in their youth and into adulthood. Last week we discussed the hidden secret of alcoholism amongst parents, especially mothers and the growing numbers of women in general that are suffering and hiding their alcoholism. Alcoholism is one of the most contributing factors to dysfunction in a family. Sadly, this cycle often continues as studies show that children of alcoholics often suffer from some form of addiction and most commonly become addicted to alcohol or drugs. We will discuss the different roles that children take in their alcoholic families and what can be done to help these kids now and into their adulthood. The "perfect family storm" of alcoholism creates turmoil for everyone in its path and no one in the family escapes its effects. There is no place for the children to hide.
Tina S is the adult child of alcoholics. She talks frankly about this experience and how she managed to survive a troubled childhood. More challenges took place when she was an adult. She developed a bipolar disorder with devastating depressions and frightening episodes of mania. She provides hope to those who are still struggling.
Dr. Cathy Reimers, Ph.D., psychologist in New Jersey, and co-host Jennifer Russello, parent in New Jersey, continue the discussion on alcoholism in the American family and the impact that alcoholic parents have on their children even into adulthood years. In our last show, we discussed alcoholism as one of the most contributing factors to dysfunction in a family, particularly, the different roles that children take on in their family. This week we will examine how adult children of alcoholics navigate through life, in their own relationships and raising their children. The “perfect family storm of alcoholism” is a vicious cycle that begins with one single sip for the alcoholic family member and only ends in “recovery” or continued treatment; however, the pain that the family endures goes deeper than “rock bottom” and may never end.
in Self Help
I was adopted and raised by parents who were very successful but they also loved their alcohol! Many adult children of alcoholics share characteristics as a result of these alcoholic parents or dysfunctional household. For example, many feel isolated and uneasy with others outside the family unit. They resume a role as "people pleasure" and lose their identity. Many became alcholics or married one... or both! Many also develop compulsions and become workaholics (like me) as a way to fulfill a need for abandonment.
Together we find ourselves living a life of a victim with an over-developed need for responsibility to distract us from ourselves. We felt guilty standing up for ourselves and we react instead of being assertive and taking control of our own lives. We form dependent personalities, feel threats of abandonment often for no reasons at all, and are willing to do almost anything to be loved. We additionally choose insecure relationships because they match the crappy relationship with had as a child.
In essence we become co-alcoholics and acquire the same characteristics of our alcoholic parents even if we have never taken a drink. We learn to keep our feelings buried as children and adults. We confuse love with sex, we find project men or women, become self-defeating, become addicted to various things (not only alcohol), and seem to attract more and more dysfunction in our lives.
Learn more about Treyce Montoya.
We all need somebody to lean on every now and then - especially when we have been affected by a friend or family member struggling with addiction.
This new GUC series features- Conversations With Family And Friends Of Addicts - which provides a safe platform for us to share our personal addiction experiences.
It is through these conversations that I hope you will gain some powerful, and hopeful insights that will assist you in dealing with a loved one's addiction.
Remember that no matter what happens you are not alone.
In this episode - My Parents Are Alcoholics; Not Me - we explore the fear of becoming an alcoholic.
Meet your co-hosts, long-time friends, Chris and Jeff, as they discuss how they got to right now. Jeff, the one who just celebrated 14 years of sobriety, has been goint to AA since before he was in recovery. Chris, who'll soon celebrate 17 years, has never been to a meeting. This is the beginning of what we hope will be an insightful, inspirational, challenging and hopeful exploration of recovery in all its forms. On the Sincer Right Now Podcast we'll laugh about recovery (and addiction), we'll swear at addiction (and ourselves) and maybe…just maybe…on some future episode…we'll talk about that one time when we cried.
NOTE FOR BLOGTALK LISTENERS: This, and all episodes for the near future will be pre-recorded. Live shows with call-ins may happen down the road a bit.
in Self Help
Many Adult Children of Alcoholics feel stuck, lost, afraid, resentful and frustrated by their circumstances. Because they were raised by inebriated, denial based caretakers--they were denied a healthy mirroring of Self-Love, Self-Appreciation, and Unconditional Love for Self.When your caretakers deny you the nurturing you deserve, you go through life feeling as if you are ill--wrong--broken--and stained. The wounds these feelings create are deep, and shatter a child's much needed sense of safety. The ability to trust Self is lost, as the child presumes the angst within--is something he/she deserves.
Future adult relationships all stem from the programmed dysfunctional perceptions of ones childhood. ACoA's often times attract into their experience partners who are very much like one of their caretakers. Because all beings attract what they know--even if what they know is dysfunctional--until a being becomes truly AWARE of that which is unconsciously driving all of their conscious decisions as adults--life cannot unfold happily.
Here we explore what it means to make that which is unconscious conscious--so to heighten our understanding and thus awareness of Self.
As awarness of self is expanded--so to is the love of self--for as one will ultimately learn here--we ACoA's were never not enough,we are not our pasts, nor our dysfuntional thoughts.
Lisa A. Romano
in Self Help
Our guest this evening is Lance Dodes, MD, author of The Sober Truth: Debunking the Bad Science Behind 12-Step Programs and the Rehab Industry. Dr. Dodes is a Training and Supervising analyst emeritus with the Boston Psychoanalytic Society and Institute and recently retired assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School.
in Self Help
Because this is an attraction based universe, and becasue thoughts create things--we wounded adult children of alcoholics and adults from dysfunctional homes--may not be aware--that by the very nature of the universe--we are attracting what we know.
If all that we know--is the result of dysfunction--then how can we ever hope to attract healthy circumstances into our lives?
If the very core of our belief systems are dysfunctional--then all that we think must be a bit skewed.
If what we think is skewed--then what we attract will also be skewed--or at least--our perception of that which we are experiencing will be.
To take control of our adult lives--Jung says, "that until that which is unconscious is made conscious" we cannot truly ever be healed. If we do not know what is causing us to attract unhealthy circumstances and or people into our lives, how can we ever hope to live an abundant, joyful, fulfilling life?
Listen here as bestselling author, speaker and coach, Lisa A. Romano explains how adult children of alcoholics, and all wounded adult children from dysfunctional homes are simply the law of attraction in action--and how one can change their life around, simply by paying more attention to what one 'thinks'.
in Self Help
Stepper mom, Ms AA, AA geek, True Believer, Koolaid drinking fool...all the names I once called myself. How was I brainwashed. Why did I stay after I was 13 stepped at ages 18 & 19? What cracked things open and how did I plan my escape. Is this a cult? Host Monica Richardson tells her story.
in Self Help
ACOA's don't recognize that their need to be validated is so strong--that they sometimes seek to control others through care-taking for them--to induce a sense of 'need'--so that others never leave them.
To stop the insanity wheel from spinning--we ACOA's need to take accountability for our own happiness--by accepting self--and others--without expecting others to fulfill our needs--or help maks wounds they didn't create.