Is Unforgiveness of Myself/or Anyone Driving Me to Abuse of Self &/or Others?

What are we using to live a life of abusing ourselves and or otners with decisions, judgments conclusions, condemnation, as well as our not being present, tnat we are using? Often we are in mental agony and emotional pain without even realizing it...We turn to addictive behavior over indulgence in that which does not serve us and/or keep us on a roller coaster,  not experiencing that which we intend in one or multiple areas of our life and living? What will it take to identify and change thi

s often unconscious behavior and beliefs?