Why Am I A Repeat Offender?

During the wee hours of the morning of Monday, November 20th, I stepped out on my patio. The clock on the wall said it was one hour and thity minutes passed midnight. Already I had begun a new day. I immediately felt the cool but gentle breeze caressing my face softly.  The King had summoned me by my spirit. I heard Him call me and I responded. It was quiet and still it appeared that everyone had finally fallen asleep. I was alone with Him. Just me and Him...alone. He who my soul loves, the one and only true deliverer, the potentate Himself - YaHoVaH. I glanced up into the sky anxiously searching for a glimpse of one of Yah's planets that twinkle like stars in the sky. I've noticed for many years that whenever life has me in a state of perplexity IF I CAN lift my eyes up into the sky SOMETHING HAPPENS! Somehow when I lift up my head I can suddenly hear the declarations of the universe affirming that He is IN total control. That nothing has caught Him unprepared. Me yes, Him no! Something happens inside of my soul [thoughts, emotions and will]  when I look up into the pitch black skies it's as if all my cares and problems are wiped away like the wind chases drives a tumble weed across the desert floor.  Suddenly I heard my heart say "Why Do I Struggle to Trust You, You HAVE ONLY been faithful! ALWAYS providing for me. YOU have NEVER Failed me. At that moment I felt like I had failed the tests AGAIN. My performance of trusting Him was unsatisfactory.  I MUST bring this area of my life to a place where I will never allow anything or anyone to INFLUENCE me to not trust you! 

Does this seem familiar? Have you ever grown weary of doubting especially Elohim? Are you tired of being a repeat offender? Do we offend Elohim with our distrust? We are Grown but like children who have a tantrum when things don't go their way, falling out, crying and screaming.  Can you "feel me" on this? Listen now...