Who has the power in your relationship

There are always subtle power dialogues in every relationship?—?ways in which decisions are made, who has final say and when, how a difference in libido is handled, etc.

But there are two types of people who actively think about and vie for “power” in their relationships more than most:

1. Those preoccupied with having (or worrying about not having) it, and
2. Those who are mistreated or manipulated as a result; sometimes scrambling to reassure the other of their position for fear of being screwed over or left.

To a large extent, “power” to these people means something more like: having the upper hand, having final say, never being made to feel “shamed” by the other, “wearing the pants,” etc. Very often, they throw around and demand big words like “respect.”

For them, power is finite, scarce, and transactional: having it requires taking it from someone else. And in order to win what they want, their partner has to lose.