Manage tension when you are up and your partner is down

It's very disconcerting when you and your partner are in different moods. It's worst when you are up and feeling good but your partner is down and miserable.

You wonder if it's your fault and try to fix it. You may get in a panic about being shut out or dragged down. You can get caught up in feeling estranged and distant from your partner, unable to share your good energy. That fear can make you want to change your partner's mood to match your own, so that you can feel emotionally intimate once again.

Unfortunately that strategy rarely works and in many instances can cause more friction. Your partner may not want to be fixed and could interpret your actions as interference and intolerance.

In episode 17 of my series on managing bad feelings I will tell you how to understand your partner's down mood in a way that reduces your anxiety about losing closeness so that each of you can have your own feelings and still be connected.