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The cost of violence is what makes it repellant. We imagine, as so called civilized human beings that it is the negative outcome of our own potential violence on our potential targets that we seek to avoid when we reject violence both in principal and in practice. But this may simply be post facto rationalization. Rather than a higher sense of morals, It may be the cost in hazard of direct initiation of violence that shaped our civilized aversion to it, as well as the psychological easy with which we justify, excuse or simply don't even recognize as violence the initiation of violent force through a proxy.
Girl Writes What, John the Other and Typhon Blue will put the gloves on ( the latex surgical gloves ) and take a look at the finer details of the use of force's in enforcing often violent social norms, authoritarian coercion and rigorous preservation of an existing status quo.