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Stories about the politics of marriage and their psycho"therapy."

  • Broadcast in Psychology
Stories We Live By

Stories We Live By


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People are drawn to each other for many reasons including physical and sexual attraction, surface personality, and a variety of psychological needs. Long term relationships such as marriages and friendships are often based on love where the needs of the other become as or even more important than one's own. Good long term relationships (as I judge good to be according to my own values) often mean that people like and respect each other as well as love each other, share numerous interests and provide comfort and support to the degree that they are needed and can be given. A good relationship includes a me, a you, and an us! All relationships are comprised of individuals and as such all relationships contain conflict. Good relationships allow for individuality and solve conflicts through negotiation and mutual respect. Democratic politics define the good relationship. In my long years of professional experience many relationships lose their love, joy and mutual liking and respect when conflicts are solved through authoritarian means or become anarchistic. In dictatorships the "me" and the "you" become "me", in anarchies the "us" ceases to exist. Psycho"therapy" is the process whereby democratic politics are restored or created allowing individuals to live as a "me" a "you" and and "us" without threat, victimization, demonization blame, self pity and especially blackmail. Finally, I put quotation marks around the word therapy because learning how to solve conflict has little to do with illness, healing, and medical procedures.