How can you stop your spouse from behaviors destructive to him- herself, to you, to your family, or to your relationship?
You set boundaries.
How do you get your spouse to do the things necessary to keep your relationship alive when it seems it may not last?
You set criteria.
Boundaries and criteria are different. They have similarities, but the difference between them is crucial to understand. Even if a person sets and enforces solid boundaries, s/he may well be missing the effective restoration to a good relationship that can come with solid criteria.
Our experience is that most people either don't set boundaries, set boundaries that are too broad, or any number of other things that make the boundaries either impossible to keep, or that are ignored by their spouses.
We also witness people setting no criteria, poor criteria, and other mistakes that don't motivate their spouses to meet the criteria at all.
How do you set boundaries? In this program Joe Beam discusses that in detail. How to make them, what to avoid, when to enforce them, and why they work.
What about criteria? In this program, Joe explains the difference between boundaries and criteria, when to establish criteria, how to make ones that help, and how to use them to make your relationship better.
Criteria and boundaries are not wishes and wants: They establish absolute do's and absolute don't's.