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Building Better Boundaries
Some people grow up with blurred boundaries in the household. Little Johnny who throws a tantrum to get something (and succeeds) learns that boundaries can be manipulated.
Little Jane’s parents may have very rigid boundaries. They may fuss her when she wants or needs something. So, when she grows up, she has a tough time knowing what she wants or needs. She also has a tough time speaking them.
1. Keep It Simple
If someone comes and asks you something, you don't have to go into a lengthy explanation of why you don't want to do it. All you have to do is politely decline. It's easy to over-apologize or start beating yourself up immediately for saying “no”, so be aware of this and resist the temptation.
2. Use The “I’ll Get Back With You On That” Phrase
When someone asks something of you, you do not have to answer them right away. You have every right to sit with that and really think about whether you want to say yes or no. Rather than blurt out “yes”, say, “I'll get back to you on that.”
3. Don't Take Backlash Personally
Chances are if you've been a “yes” person for a while, those closest to you realize that. They know that if they want or need something, and ask you for it, you're going to say yes. So be prepared for them to be a little awestruck when you tell them no.
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