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During phase two of APSATS trauma model, the SA, and often times the partner herself may ask “Why can’t I/she get over it” or “why are we stuck and not moving forward”? When working with couples it is essential that the SA learn As much information as he can about betrayal trauma. And part of that information is not only about the timing and the patience that the SA needs to have but also how he needs to have the tools to help his partner move towards forgiveness. The partner never will “get over it” but she can grow from it and use her experience to become an even better version of herself, and eventually the couple can heal as well. But it all starts with safety and stability.
Today, Carol the Coach willl be talking to Tiffany Comisky who wants couples to recognize the trauma of partner betrayal.The goal here is to help the partner move into a place in the relationship where she is finally feeling safe enough to feel “connected” with the SA. Much too often the SA wants to move straight into the post traumatic growth stage, especially if he is feeling free from his own pain of addiction and/or isn’t dealing with the shame of it so wants to put it behind him as fast as possible. But it simply doesn’t work that way. The SA needs to understand the damage that has been done to his partner and to their relationship is not an easy fix, but if he has the attitude of “I’m willing to be here for my partner and help her through this trauma for as long as it takes” then there is hope. The biggest challenge is having the stamina to do this.