When we blame someone (and blame is always about the past), we may be upset with them for something they said, or did, that “created” a situation in our lives. The mistaken belief that we are “feeding” ourselves, is that others “created” the situation. Every single situation we are in control of. Every single situation we have a choice in (which is our control); a choice of how to think about it – what we make it mean, and a choice of what we end up believing about it. [What we think = what we believe = what we act on.]
Here’s a great example. A woman blamed her parents for allowing her to get married at a very early age (21). The marriage didn’t last, and frankly, she realized much later, that she was too young and didn’t even really know what love felt like, and in that, realized that she wasn’t “in love” with the person (not in the way that is required for a good marriage). She thought, “Why would my parents allow me to marry at such a young age?!!!”
The situation altered her life, causing her to leave her home town. She felt that everyone blamed her for the marriage ending, and she was indeed the one that had ended, what looked to be, a perfectly good relationship/marriage. So she began to "blame" herself.
This lead to her lowering her self-esteem, because she blamed herself for her choices, even though staying would have been detrimental to her health – she had become so depressed in the marriage that she ended up on a psychiatrist’s coach, unable to get out of bed, and too young to understand any of it, especially too young to understand how the situation occurred in the first place, and then how to get out of it or fix it.
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