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Angry or Quiet?

by WomenontheVerge

 - Tue, Jan 4 2011

Sometimes I feel like the quiet angry woman and sometimes I feel like the angry quiet woman.  It's a balance... learning when to roar and learning when to whisper.  Sometimes I get it "right" and other times I just don't.  This topic comes as timely for me as lately I have wondering about this very subject, but in slightly different terms.  I recently traveled to a place where art and artists was very prominent and the people I spoke with were very verbal about their work and their accomplishments.  I, on the other hand, feel uncomfortable with that kind of thing and I wondered... "Do I need to be better at promoting myself and my work or is it ok enough to know that I believe in what I'm doing and creating and that it will and is falling into place?"  Same thing with quiet and angry... it's like that old cliche "pick your battles" - I had been known to be "too honest or gruff" so I tuned myself down and after awhile I felt it made me resentful because I wasn't used to keeping my mouth shut or honesty at bay...   it's a delicate dance... and more so for people who aren't used to being told the truth or confronted about their actions... and I, in the past, was a total confront-er!  I had even lost a couple of friends for confronting them about not doing the things they said they were going to do ....   I really took being honest and accountable very literally and I guess I had to learn that it was just the way of the world and that I needed to be more flexible than that.   I was the accountable military!  And the funny thing is, is that it derived from me being totally irresponsible and inconsiderate... and I realized I didn't want to be like that and when I "woke up" the pendulum swung the other way!  And still, to this day, I grapple from time to time with whether or not to keep my mouth shut... funny, when I got married the 2nd time time, my father's only advice was "turn the other cheek" and "Keep your mouth shut."  - 2 things that really go against my grain... and depending on the circumstances, I either get made at him for saying so or thank him and understand what he was saying.  I probably would have no friends if I kept being so honest and confrontational.... somehow, I became a person who really dislikes injustice and I have always thought that if I were in politics I would be dead by now because in the past, it was a challenge for me to be diplomatic.  So.... I have no wise answers or anecdotes about whether a woman or a man should be quiet or not or let their anger be known.  I can only share the road I'm on, which is about learning how not to be angry at me... and to speak up when necessary and when I do, not to get so intense that I scare everybody away.   Passion... sometimes also is present in anger...emotion...is a natural thing... and when felt, in my opinion, it should be honored... appropriately.

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