Amina Carter  

There is some truth to the fact that in love, we may feel some pain. However, the pain that you may experience should not be physically inflicted upon you by your partner. Domestic violence happens to 1 every 3 women. That is 1 too many!!!

In researching information on domestic violence, I realized that I had been abused. There are so many women that don’t know what constitutes as domestic violence. It is not only abuse physically, but psychological abuse is also considered domestic violence. 

Sitting at my desk yesterday, surfing the internet for information, I was reading about the psychological aspect of this and was paused by the knowledge that I too, am in that statistic. Unsure of what I was feeling, emotion flooded my entire being, hurt, fear, relief, joy!!! I said it out loud, “I was abused.” There was so much power in saying it I was healing with the release of each word.

In the relationship that I was in, I thought that I was in control and that he was just crazy!! He was the one that had the problem, always blaming me for his emotional outbursts, “it’s your fault that I act like this”, the violent physical self mutilation as a means to get my attention, cutting, jumping out of moving cars, punching himself in the face. The bruising of his face as a result of the outbursts then caused him to receive more attention. “If you would just come to me and hold me, console me, I wouldn’t have to get like this.” These are the words that were constantly spoken in our home. They continued to fall on the ears of an emotionally drained, scared, and hurt woman. A woman who loved a man so much that she stayed quiet, suffered internally, isolated herself from friends and family, cried in corners and bathrooms on lunch breaks. A woman who is rich in love but was “poor” in self esteem. My well had run dry, but I didn’t know.

“I am strong. I can handle this”, those words I uttered more times than I can remember. I only now know the magnitude of the pain that I was feeling.  I was ok!! My Daddy didn’t raise no fool, and my Mama taught me to not allow “outside” things to disturb my “inside” peace. The truth of the matter was that I was a mess. A mere shadow of my former “fly ass” self!!

Ladies and gentleman, yes gentleman, because men are also abused in relationships by women, be the love that you want. Know that you are your best friend and that no one can love you better than you. Starting with that will only allow you to attract the kind of love that you truly deserve. 

We must begin to peel off these layers of ourselves and get down to the dirt and grime, the hurt, the anger, the remorse and regret. We have to start with these things first. They are controlling us. They deny us the true joy and happiness. It is time to live your best life. There is no time better than now. If no one told you that they love you today, I Love You!!!

-AC