We can agree that finding lasting love and intimacy can be difficult for many women. Some end up agreeing to sexual relationships hoping that they may lead to longer, more fulfilling relationships, only to be let down when they don’t. Jill Weber's book Having Sex, Wanting Intimacy: Why Women Settle for One-Sided Relationships explains why women feel forced into a male model of dating that barters sex for the unrealistic hope that it will lead to emotional intimacy. What it leads to, most often, for the woman is disappointment, despair, and impaired self-esteem. “Sextimacy,” as Weber terms it, traps women in relationships that are one-sided and lack emotional intimacy. When this happens, women routinely blame themselves instead of realizing they should blame their romantic strategy.
This book, in a step-by-step progression, shows a better way to breaking the cycle and cultivating better relationships. It teaches women how to recognize when they are in a Sextimacy event as opposed to the beginning of a mutually fulfilling relationship that won't leave them racked with morning-after regrets. And it gives clear direction about what women can do to find warm romantic partnerships that serve their needs.
Using real stories from women of various ages and stages of life, Weber shows how patterns of behavior may develop that produce a vulnerability to being used. Anyone struggling to break the cycle of having sex without the attendant intimacy they crave will find a warm and ready approach to finding love and fulfillment in these pages.
Jill Weber, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist in private practice in the Washington, DC area.
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