Tilly Rivers  

The Age Debate in Dating

By Tilly Rivers

Ah, the younger partner. Sweet nectar from the Gods- or a Forbidden Fruit to be seen and not touched?

The appeal of younger partner is not just "slight". I recently read somewhere that when you get married for the SECOND time, you marry partners an AVERAGE of 10 years younger. Something like 20% of people, and yes mostly men, who marry for a second time, wind up marrying a partner that is YEARS YOUNGER.

 I also recall reading somewhere that women are universally attracted to men who are older than them, and that the "average" relationship contains a man that is four years older than the woman.

 Interesting hmmm?

Look at Demi Moore and Christopher Ashton Kutcher!

 I see a pattern my friends. Older men and women dating and marrying younger partners isn't going away anytime soon. In fact, I predict that the more "socially acceptable" it becomes, the MORE it's going to happen.

Me? Have I dated younger men? ABSOUTELY! Younger partners have a certain appeal that goes far beyond just the "physical beauty", there is a different VIBE. If you meet the right younger partner, you'll find that they bring an amazing energy, vibe, and atmosphere to your life.  It can be a blast.

 I'm not saying that it's a bad idea to date a partner your own age, or a partner who are older than you. Not at all, in fact. I'm just saying that if you find yourself attracted to younger partner, it's perfectly OK. And you should not let your own insecurities and hang ups about age to stop you from having the time of your life!

The maturity factor;  There is a saying that women mature faster than men- however if you could have the opportunity to listen to a group of four 20-year-old models standing in front of the bathroom mirror at an A-List club in Los Angeles or New York, I think you might change your mind.

My view is that SOME women mature faster than most men...but I also believe that men have different sides of them that matures just as fast as we do… and this younger generation can be VERY interesting to hang out with.

Take a minute and imagine what it would be like to be an attractive 23-year-old who has just graduated. Let's assume that he's above average in the looks department, smart, and beginning to enjoy his new-found freedom and independence. What would be going through your mind?

 Well, I think that you'd probably have begun to realize (in a big way, most likely) that you have a certain POWER over most men. You've probably also begun to realize that there are certain types of "boyz" that hold a certain appeal... and ones that trigger a certain type of magnetic attraction in you. ATTRACTION-what a delightful word. Traits like masculinity, leadership, mystery, challenge, confidence, and composure...ATTRACTION- mmmmm- yes!

No matter what your age is right now if you are "finding your wings" in life, do not turn away from a great experience with a younger partner. I am not saying fall in love, I am not saying there should be wedding bells in your mind- The Point?  IT IS  "NORMAL" TO DATE A MAN  WHO IS YOUNGER THAN YOU!

One thing that makes this particular topic very interesting to me is that it often evokes VERY emotional responses from people. Some people say "It's sick for an older woman to date a younger man"... some people see it as perfectly normal... and some see it as MORE normal than men dating younger women. After all they have been doing it for years- isn’t it our turn?

Everyone has an opinion about it, one way or another. The reason that this is important is that the younger partner you'd like to date has a wide range of opinions as well. In other words, one 20-something year old might think that the idea of dating a lady who is 27 is TOTALLY GROSS, while the next one might only find himself attracted those who are over 30.

The point I'm making here is that if you are going to date a  younger partner, you must not let yourself be overly subjective by the opinions of others.  Just because someone says "I think that any girl who asks a boy-a mere baby out who is more than three years younger is sick" doesn't mean that ALL people think that way. And more than likely they are jealous to the point that they are wearing turtlenecks to cover up their green flesh!

CATEGORIES; I've found that partners  usually fit into one of the following three categories when it comes to how they view this topic: 1) "It's perfectly normal" (Maybe 20%) 2) "It's taboo, and very intriguing" (Maybe 20%) 3) "It's GROSS!" (Maybe 60%)—( I have totally made these number up based on my personal experience and my personal observations)

 Some guys I know ONLY date women who are much younger than themselves…or their same age- they say that  MOST younger women want to date guys who are older…I say GREAT- so ladies- do you not think it is time to discover what you have always wondered about? 

Next, I personally think that maybe only 25% of the younger men you meet are even worth your time and attention. 75% are in the categories of not interested , not attractive physically or personality-wise, too immature, etc.

Of those that ARE worth pursuing, most fit into one of a few categories:

 1) Damn smart, high standards!  This young man will often respect you and admire you for your experience in life, and look to you for approval, advice, and input. He will probably get a thrill from being with a lady who is mature, sophisticated, and who knows how to make her feel good physically.

 2) Attractive, and overly-concerned with what others think... very competitive, life revolves around them. If you meet a man who is between 23 and 27, and he's a wanna-be model/actor/dancer, or other "entertainer", you'll often find this personality type-drama usually isn't far away. These partners often enjoy the thrill that being with an older lady brings. They are often found on the arm of rich, playgirl types... because they like the attention and material gifts and advantages. WARNING: These partners, in my experience, are more likely to be users, cheaters, and the type that turn your emotional life upside-down with all kinds of unimaginable drama.

3) The nice guy who likes you. Maybe not stunning, and maybe not a super-genius, but likes the fact that he's met lady who makes him feel good. Most of these partners have a common realization that ladies their age just don't "get it". They're tired of hearing about dumb "girlie stuff", and they are fascinated by a lady who is both clearly in control of herself and her environment, and very aware of how to treat a woman... how to make her feel good... how to take his time. These partners can be great fun, and they can be a real joy to be around. They often bring a fun, spontaneous energy to the relationship, and they make things a little unpredictable.

Is this a complete list? No- Am I a dating or sexual therapist expert? No- But I think it's pretty accurate. Why don’t you tell me…write me a note and tell me your opinion on dating and the ages- the ‘age’ (oh my, was that a pun?) old question that society has been pondering for years!  

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Rivers will be releasing Forbidden Fruit in the fall of 2008. Among her writing credits are best selling erotica anthologies, Seditious and Salacious, Award winning poetry book Just the Way It Is. Wisteria Moon has won several awards and honorable mentions. Other releases by Rivers are full length erotic romance novels; Master of his Destiny and Savage Freedom, Poetry books Perfumed Sheets and Rainy Day Musings. Rivers contributed and coordinated the release of Sensual Secrets. Her freelance contributions are both in traditional and online venues. Rivers is the winner of NAWA, three years in a row, NAPA winner two years running, and has received hundreds of awards and honorable mentions for erotica and poetry contributions, as well as a public speaker and radio host.

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