The Future  

If a man really likes you and cares about who you are and what you want then he’ll respect your wishes, but if he only cares about himself and his personal needs then and only then can he not accept celibacy. Every woman should ask the man they are interested in about their feelings towards celibacy. This way you will see exactly what his intentions are or at least some signs of them. A genuine man or a relationship oriented man will wait for you. He may apply a little pressure but he’ll wait. If a man says that he can’t wait because he’s a grown man and his body is accustomed to sex then he’s in it for himself. Or if he says that since he’s been having sex if he stops it will cause medical problems such as “blue balls”, he’s in it for himself. There are no harmful side effects that come along with celibacy. Watch out for the deep explanation that sex will bring you two closer and allow him to express feeling for you that words can’t attain. That’s a man who is use to dealing with this and women usually fall for it. I know a lot of men including myself that have been successful with that line after it has been applied just right.

            One problem with practicing celibacy with a man you’ve just met is he may see you as a goal. It would be very hard to discern between a man that is genuine and a man that is goal driven. One difference would be the time factor. If he’s genuine, he’ll spend all the time he can getting to know you and asking questions about you while building trust. A goal oriented man’s topic of conversation will be about sex or your reasons for celibacy. His phone calls will come far and few in between and when you do speak it won’t be for long. Even though a man is goal driven, that doesn’t mean he can’t wait and in fact he may wait a long time for you. He could wait months but his time will be split up. He won’t give you all of his time. He may get in touch with you when it is convenient for him and this may very well trick you into thinking he really likes you when really he’s just waiting you out. On the other hand, a genuine man will talk with you or spend everyday with you getting to know you and getting nothing in return in regards to sex.

            Be careful when you feel you’re his goal! Play your cards right. Don’t go in pretending to be one thing and then turn out to be another. Make a man earn his keep by staying strong in your beliefs and even if he’s out to get you, you will end up getting him if you hold out and don’t give in to sex. When you finally have sex with him he should have had to put in so much time that he doesn’t ever want to leave you because he’s so deep in love. One thing a man often forgets is that when you play with fire you can get burnt. He probably feels like he can engage in deep conversations on the regular and go on dates and still keep his heart distant from love, so while he’s waiting for you to give him your innocence he’s not catching feelings for you. But if you play your hand right that handsome young man that is goal seeking will fall in love and could give you the best love of your life.

            I say that to say if you decide on celibacy make sure you don’t change your mind before you can tell without a shadow of a doubt that he will do anything for you. Never use celibacy to get brownie points as a classy lady. If it’s not what you really want don’t fake it. Then you would be playing yourself! As soon as you say your celibate, the man goes into game mode. He’ll bide his time and stay distant if he’s not sincere. He won’t call everyday and he won’t talk long when he does. This is only because he doesn’t want to give much of himself if he’s getting nothing in return. When a man plays this role, it’s because he is focusing on the women in his life that put out and only calling you when they can’t be reached. The crazy thing is, usually when a man plays this roll the woman falls for him. This is because its human nature to want what you can’t have, or to want someone that doesn’t want you back. You know as a woman when a man you’ve just met calls you three or four times a day, the man seems pushy. Just like the laws of physics, if he pushes towards you then you move in the opposite direction. But when he plays it cool and pulls away, it draws you closer to him. Strange but true, that is why women are known for falling for the bad guys or the thugs. A man with a demanding schedule, like the life that comes with the streets, doesn’t have much time for you. A certain part of you likes that because you have the freedom you need and you don’t have to be bothered all the time. At the same time you begin to long for that man. You question yourself, “Why isn’t he feeling me, is it because I’m not giving it up?” This absence makes the heart grow fonder if it is accompanied by a sexual attraction. To question yourself is the worst thing you can do. If he doesn’t call, then you know right away he’s not serious. Never think he’s too busy, no matter what a man has to do, if he likes you he can make time for you. Don’t sweat the small stuff. If he doesn’t come to you, then don’t chase him. If he only calls you every other day, don’t give in thinking that it’s because you aren’t good enough or that he doesn’t like you. Stay steadfast in your decision on celibacy and force him to play by your rules. Soon you’ll see his true colors.

            I call it the three month rule. The average player or “go getter” won’t wait longer than that. I’ve never seen it done. A player may wait a month and if you haven’t gave it up yet, then most likely you’ll witness him move on. But if you show signs of weakness as if you’re getting closer to giving in then that will keep him around but at a distance. So stay just as strong as you were on the day you decided to be celibate.

            Now if a man has been talking to you EVERYDAY and you reach the three month mark, I would bet my bottom dollar he is for real. Meaning he isn’t obligated to another woman whole heartedly and if he has one he is willing to leave her for you. He also respects your decisions and you as a person. That doesn’t mean he’s not having sex. A man will easily respect your wishes to be celibate, but that does not mean he will accept the same standards for himself. Therefore, he may be fulfilling his lust elsewhere. You can never be 100% sure about anything, but time will tell like they say. To test men, use no other weapon but TIME. Blessed are those who wait and cursed are those who rush. That goes to say that a man who can wait has a good heart although he is not perfect, he can be molded. A man who is in it for himself or just out to cheat on his girlfriend or wife won’t waste much time on you. I say all that to say, DON’T PLAY YOURSELF!

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