Incest-A Generational Cure- From A Perpetrator Perspective

Well, I don't really know where to begin...I was born and raised in Mississippi along with 8 other children. We live with our father and mother. At 5 years old I can remember my dad and his drinking buddies working on cars one day and one of his friends holding me up by my legs in the air and one of them playing with my private part. I was frantic and remember crying until I could hardly breathe. My dad watched and casually said y'all stop put him down. I ran into the house and just cried. My mother stating "stop that crying, it ain't nothing wrong with you". I'm only hitting the points that impacted my life. I can remember also my dad and his same friends looking at playboy magazines and drinking. At the age of 10 I began to get curious? About some of my dad’s friends? Like Mr. B and Mr. W. How are they my cousins? Are they my uncle or cousins? I knew within my heart there was something wrong but it was never talked about.  My older male cousins, uncle and others would all ways come to the house when Dad would go to work. They would take mamma to the back of the house. Keep in mind that mamma had  typhoid fever on the brain when she was very young which left her IQ level on the level of a 1st grader. Totally taken advantage of by cousins, uncles and others. At the age of 14 I knew what they were doing. I began to hear about other cousins being sexually molested and finding out my grandfather had kids by his own children. That did something to me. I had an anger that was un-describable. At about 15 my hormones started kicking and I can remember me and my younger sister hunching and playing with each other. My first ejaculation was with her giving me a blow job and didn’t know what it was except for seeing it in daddy’s playboy books. It scared me to death when I ejaculated.  From that point it got worse. I remember thinking there was something terribly wrong with my family.