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“Mentoring is critical if we intend to address much of the pain, abuse and abandonment that African American males suffer from. While we struggle to find mentors for young African American males, it is equally important to locate the fathers of these young brothers. A young boy’s first mentor should be his father and the other men in his family. Responsible fatherhood must be viewed as a necessary action step to begin the healing process among African American males.”
What can we do?
As I examined this problem and searched for strategies that we could implement, one thing struck me in particular—the reality that approximately 50 percent of black children in the United States live in households without a father figure present (U.S. Census Bureau, 2012). I began to ask myself, Who is going to provide boys with the proper male guidance, direction, leadership, and structure that they desperately need? I want our youth to see adult males who is striving to fulfill their own potential and who is also committed to the growth and development of the younger generation. If our young boys had men in their lives whom they could relate to and identify with, they would look at their education differently and the probability for their success would increase exponentially.
In a relationship, the woman likes to be made a priority. She wants to feel important to you! There may be times where she expects you to put her needs before your own. The side chick is willing to accept being in second place. She is less likely to require priority treatment or excessive quality time. Author, Michael Baisden wrote, “Many women today are so desperate for a man they will accept that he’s married, living with another woman, or has several other women. As one woman told me, “A piece of a man is better than no man!” In addition to their willingness for second best, they may be freakiest in the bedroom as compared to the main chick. I have tons of married friends with limits in the bedroom; however I have tons of single friends who have no limits. I wouldn’t say that my single friends are willing to be side chicks, but I noticed that we are more willing to do things just to prove that they are wife material. Girlfriends or wives often “get too comfortable” which is a nicer way of saying they lose what got them their boyfriend or husband in the first place. When a woman gets comfortable she often gains weight or doesn’t make an effort to keep herself sexy. The side chick who hopes to one day take the spot as the main chick will always be at her best! It is because of their competitive nature that they are also willing to do for him what the girlfriend or wife will refuse to do. Another reason is the side chick may tolerate the lies and cheating that comes with a man who has side chicks. A wife or girlfriend is less likely to accept this which is why most side relationships are kept a secret.
When women cheat, it’s often considered a scandal, and never has cheating been as easy as it is now, when finding a willing partner is a click or a phone tap away.
But what drives women to cheat? And do they stray as much and for the same reasons as men?
Katherine, whose name has been changed, said she and her husband were married for 14 years. After undergoing major weight loss and multiple plastic surgeries, she began looking for excitement outside of what she said was a stale marriage and turned to AshleyMadison.com, the notorious dating website for “casual encounters.”
“I was feeling very lonely one night,” Katherine said. “I was bored, on my phone in the parking lot, sitting in my car, pulled up AshleyMadison, and decided to open my first profile to see what would happen.”
AshleyMadison.com’s motto is “life is short, have an affair.” Noel Biderman, the author of "Adultropology: The Cyber-Anthropology Behind Infidelity," started the site more than 10 years ago. He said he makes more than $40 million a month from it.