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  Date / Time: 7/8/2009 5:58 PM UTC

  Ridiculous Headlines
  

  Seems like people didn't mind the last posting so much; I half-expected a good bit of "F-you's" but since the only response last time was positive, I'll keep this up:
  
  
  
  -Jackson Memorial Service to Begin Soon
  
  --- "Hopefully soon the hype will die down, the Beatles rights will be bought (although, isn't it about time their stuff became public domain?), and Mr. Jackson can take off his white makeup and relax on the beach in a secluded and extremely remote location for his remaining 20 years or so." No mention or picture of the body; I don't buy it, and besides, who would have more reason to fake their own death than Michael Jackson? And who else has the money to pull something like that off?
  
  
  
  -Ex-NFL Star McNair's Girlfriend Bought Gun
  
  ---"She was 20 and mentally unstable; the NRA is SO on point when they say our current gun control laws are too strict. What was this woman DOING with a legal firearm?"
  
  
  
  -Iraq Bans Group Visits to Saddam's Grave
  
  ---"We did a super-great job in Iraq and obviously left a lasting impression; now they're really imitating the U.S. with their mantra of 'freedom, democracy, and you can go anywhere you want except here.' What a bunch of crap. If there's one thing the U.S. taught the fledgling transitional government, it's how to stay in power; all you have to do is prohibit people from expressing different ideas. Simple, and it's worked here for years."
  
  
  
  -Pakistan: Taliban Buying Children for Suicide Attacks
  
  ---"Apparently, regular suicide bombers just don't grab the headlines like they used to. Like we believe anything coming out of Pakistan; nobody wants to believe that they have the Taliban under control and away from their nuclear weapons, yet all they have to do is mention this and it becomes news? Spare me; I'm not any more moved by this than child labor, sweatshops, or the enormous sex trade that exploits children right in this very country. I'm not saying these issues are any more or less important, but they're not in the news."
  
  
  
  -Alec Baldwin Interested in Congressional Run
  
  ---"Oh GOD; playing CIA-analyst-turned-Clancy-

  maverick Jack Ryan just wasn't good enough, was it? Seriously (and this has absolutely nothing to do with partisanship), who has any faith in a legislative body that's almost exclusively made up of retired astronauts and C-list actors?"
  
  
  
  -Palin Says She's No Quitter
  
  ---"Whatever. Quitting's quitting, whether in the hockey rink or political arena, you betcha. It's not our fault you're retarded and can't walk the one you talk, nor are we "attacking" you when we subject your ludicrous ideas and statements to intense scrutiny (as all should be) and ridicule them when found to be illogical. There is some bombshell she wants to escape via her resignation, which is fine, but don't deny it by giving vague explanations. Her husband had an affair last year, and if she's having one while in office, her fall will represent that of the Republican party. It's easy to cover up a teen pregnancy (largely because no other candidates had that problem), but an affair discovered while your those of your colleagues are not only destroying their political careers but sponsoring party will hit twice as hard. Pretty simple, folks; nothing happens without a reason, and the religious among your should already believe that."
  
  
  
  -Obama: U.S. not Giving Israel a Green Light to Attack Iran
  
  ---"Obama, I don't agree with everything you do, but thanks for this one. It's about time we had a president who would stand up to the Israelis."
  
  -Rook
  
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