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  Date / Time: 7/3/2009 5:58 PM UTC

  Rook's New World Order
  

  I was thinking the other day (dangerous, I know) about how much I love the color blue. Perhaps that's an understatement; I have blue sheets, a blue bedspread, blue lights in my room, heck, even one of my guitars is blue, and we all know how erotically I feel towards my instruments. It's even a style of music! Simply put, if there was a way for me to engage in coitus with the color blue, I'd do it. That's how much I like it. You guys have no idea; blue is the be-all, end-all for me, and as such I consider it a hue of the highest order.
  
  However, it's not enough for just me to love blue; I want ALL of you to feel the same way, so I'm pleased to announce the creation of an organization devoted strictly to signing blue's praises and spreading the word to the unenlightened. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Bluism!
  
  Now for the tricky part: how do I get the rest of you to see things my way and join me in following the Way, the Blue, and the Light? It's not enough that I'm enamored with the color, for even the most stubborn variety of religious zealots (one of whom I have just become!) will realize that simply because they find solace in an idea doesn't mean the next person will. Nay, I must convince you beyond a shadow of a doubt that blue is the holiest of colors and the undying love of it is the only way to true-blue happiness.
  
  
  I could make the case that since the sky, lakes, and oceans are blue (or, more simply, that water and air - necessary for life as we know it - are blue) and support life, that they are the physical embodiment of this holy color and thus symbolize the vitality of the hue. It makes perfect sense that these life-giving elements are blue, given the sacredness of the color (yes, I'm using this backwards logic on purpose, so keep your pants on).
  
  Now, wait a minute - it's just been brought to my attention that air isn't actually blue, at least, not within the confines of my room, and the blue color of the sky is the result of a prismatic effect in our atmosphere, so my claim probably won't hold water - or air - for very long. The blue color of the oceans is due to nothing more than a reflection of the sky (ever noticed the color of the sea on a stormy day?), so the scientists and the more rational among you probably won't buy into Bluism based on the idea that blue is holy due to the fact that the sky and sea share its hue.
  
  
  Very well, back to the drawing board (or the Council of Cerulea, whichever you prefer). I've got it! Oh, you rational readers, since you used science to debunk my last theory, I'll turn the tables on you and use a bit of science myself! How would you respond if I told you that it has been scientifically proven that the specific wavelength of light we know as blue is soothing and relaxing to the human mind, and more so than any other color? This is due to the process by which our eyes and optical areas of the brain process the frequency of light we "see" (or more correctly, "experience"). In fact, studies occurring as early as the 1950's demonstrated that while red and yellow light raised blood pressure, blue light lowered it. The same studies also showed that while red light promoted sexual desire (as such, red of any kind is not allowed in Bluism, including traffics signs and brake lights), anger, and aggression, blue light promoted calm, tranquility, and creativity. Hence, it is the only true way to happiness, as we cannot possibly be happy whilst aggressively pursuing sex or ambitious goals; Bluism is about calm and creativity.
  
  Again, hold on; am I not guilty of the same fallacy I tried to clear myself of in my first draft of Bluism doctrine (see above)? I'm assuming here that EVERYONE wants to be calm, sexually passive, and tranquil. As most of you will probably agree, this is not the case. I can always say that even though you might THINK you like the color red enough to paint your room with it, in reality you crave only the passive, calm closeness with the Blue and that your desire for impurity via other colors is merely a misguided, worldly ambition, but the Catholic Church already has a monopoly on such arguments, and I see no reason to perpetuate it. Therefore, it's high time we stopped messing around and began drafting Bluican II!!
  
  
  Before moving on to Bluican II, I'd like to point out the thoughts of some poor, misguided damned soul who dared assert that blue as a color didn't exist! Blasphemy and utter hogwash! Seriously, dude, my computer monitor is quite clearly displaying "Facebook"in large blue letters, and what's more, the color gracing those letters is sacred to me, so how DARE you make the claim that it doesn't exist?!
  
  His claim was that surfaces often absorb specific frequencies of the visible spectrum while reflecting others. The frequencies that are reflected are the ones that enter our pupils and are processed into color pictures by the brain. Blue, he said, was merely our brains' interpretation of a specific wavelength. He even offered an explanation as to why red is such an evil, impassioned color, as primates (of whom he claimed we share a common ancestor - preposterous nonsense not mentioned in the Blueble) evolved the ability to see the red fruits/blossoms of the trees they fed on. As such, the color red, once the ability to recognize it evolved, evoked high-metabolic responses, as eating was essential to survival. He also hypothesized that red is connected to sexuality because most animals must demonstrate to a prospective mate that they are capable of supporting young if they are to breed, so the ability to see food sources would probably be handy. Sounds like a bunch of pseudo-scientific mumbo jumbo, if you ask me. I ask those who follow the Way of the Blue not listen or debate with those who seek to undermine our faith with carefully worded arguments aimed at nothing more than the foundation of everything we hold dear.
  
  
  Now then, on to Bluican II:
  
  All right, people, you've fought me at every turn, contradicting me, and turning my arguments to dust with your scientific crap. I say fine; it's time to bust out the heavy artillery, and I've got a doozie up my sleeve. Bluican II affirms the belief in a single omnipresent, omnipotent entity that is the most pure embodiment of the color blue. He is the acronymous (Facebook says "acronymous" isn't a word, but then, they also said Bluism isn't a word, so I'll pick that bone with them later) GOB, or Great Oracle of Blue. Now, Gob is Blue and Blue is Gob. Gob is all-knowing, all-seeing, and inherently perfect. In other words, He is Blue. Look guys, it's not my desire that red should be banned from traffic signals and brake lights and exit signs, it's Gob's. Anything that is contrary to blue is an affront to Gob, and we should at all times prevent offense to Him. Red's aggressive and sexual connotations are bad for you, and Gob only wants your happiness and serenity. It should be noted that through careful study of the Blueble, we can see that failure to uphold the Code of Blue has eternal implications. After all, do YOU know where you're going when you die? I do, and it's straight to a Blue Utopia! We can justify all previous claims now based on the existence of Gob!
  
  Now, I think I may have hit on something here; nobody can falsify this! True, I can't actually prove Gob's existence, but neither can you disprove it. So we're stuck at a stalemate, with two differing opinions, neither of which can be proven wrong or right. Fear of eternal implications will convince most to err on the side of caution and accept the Way of Blue, while tautologies and appeals to emotion should take care of the weak-willed and uneducated. Finally! A legitimate religion! Now for all the trimmings:
  
  According to Bluism, the following things are reprehensible:
  
  -any color that is not blue (obviously)
  
  -more importantly, red, as it is a sexual, aggressive color contrary to the serenity of blue
  
  -"impure" forms of blue, as exemplified by baby blue or navy blue, are abominations engineered by the Red Evil One to mock and deceive those who follow the Way of Blue. Beware their trickery, as they are not the True Blue, but mere shadows of it.
  
  -Green and purple; even though they are half blue, halfway to eternal damnation is closer than I'd like to be
  
  -your children's claims that they don't want to paint over their red walls with blue pains simply because it's a waste of time and money; we shouldn't tolerate evil merely because it's convenient.
  
  -exit signs, traffic signs, and brake lights. These are made more reprehensible by the fact that the average American is made to observe them daily during their commute to school, work, etc. Until the world wakes up and makes the necessary changes, Bluism instructs all believers to avoid driving or riding in a car at all costs.
  
  
  There are many more; how many can you come up with? Help me build this list of no-no's and be a part of engineering the great tradition of Bluism!!
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