I did not write MY memoir to expose my family.
I wrote it because there was so much pain in the family snd yes I was concerned for both predator and victim, as I knew the sad past of the predators.
So thinking the family would see that I was "one of them" and meant no harm to any individual, I laid out an outline of my life, a true story, but mine nonetheless. My hope, and my four sister's hopes, those who stood with me, was that the family could shed the past as I had, rally together in love and reality, and heal.
I have been called meanspirited, delusional, cruel, selfish, grandiose, and all but tarred and feathered. I understand tarring is a painful event as opposed to the joke television made of it, but I doubt the family could have hurt me more than they did in their own underhanded, behind the back, and slight of hand maligning. Hate was their fuel.
So what I deserve for good intentions gone wrong is probably some sort of rebuke, perhaps even a firm one. However, it was the guilt of the guilty, the fear of the coward, and the haughty pride of the family system which "outed" the villains. I knew they would, like criminals in a detective movie, obsessed with their guilt, they end up telling on themselves. I had no intention of telling, I just wanted them to stop.
Today my intention is changed. That part of the family matters not to me. Well, they have chosen to destroy me rather than make peace, and hey, do I really want to go another round?
No. There is nothing left to fight for. I gained four beautiful sisters out of the 9 remaining and I am grateful to at last have family.
Once I am away from NY State my thinking will begin to clear some. And I will continue to speak out for change, after all, I learned long ago that I am the only person who could change me, and I will continue to speak out against incest and sexual assault. If it seems too cruel to the molesters in my family, or those who continue to protect them, I remind myself of the cruelty of bringing false charges against me, lying to discredit me, bringing pain and tears to my sister's faces, and destroying the great start I had on a business which had nothing to do with them or their sins, and preventing me from my livelihood and returning to my children and grandchildren by October which is the goal i set back in June.
Some people might say it doesn't pay to care too much. Oh, wait, that was me that said that. I was wrong. I am paid heartily in love from hearts that know love. There is no finer payment that can be gained.
I expect to return to my broadcasting the last Monday of November. In fact to that end i will schedule it today.
It's all about changing me still, but oh what experience, strength, and hope we can share with each other.
Nick is co-founder of Walk With Sally, a non-profit organization providing mentoring to children whose lives have been affected by a parent or sibling with cancer.
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