Straight Talk From My Experience  

Show Notes

Spring Follows Winter Just As Joy Follows Recovery

Sexual Assault happens every two minutes in this country, make a choice to be a part of the solution.

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• Archived Blog Post

  Date / Time: 5/16/2009 3:39 PM UTC

  Peel Away Denial, Shame, Guilt And Let Your Insides Out!
  

  I was sure I was defective all the way through because of early incest and sexual abuse. My term for describing myself for years was "inherently evil" meaning badness was a permanent, inescapable part of my nature.
  
  Furthermore, I was resigned to the fact that I had ruined every person in my life, from my mother and father to my siblings, to my children.
  
  In my very soul I knew I was ugly, unclean, and unlovable. Self-loathing kept me from ever seeing myself clearly in a mirror and I never looked in my eyes.
  
  Like millions of people before me, I was not born believing the worst about me. I learned who I was according to the way the important people around me treated me.
  
  There were many negative messages from many different directions. As the youngest of twenty children in a screwed up family many things fell downhill, from incest to the ever popular words "you'll never amount to anything."
  
  But this show is about recovering from incest/sexual assault. My life is about telling other survivors that a life beyond survival exists, and it can be beautiful.
  
  One of the most important messages I was finally able to record over the old tapes is that inside I am beautiful, lovable, perhaps even awesome, like this magnificent pink tulip with its insides out.
  
  Once I began to peel away the tough outer layers of pure survival, a small opening appeared through the chink in my armor.
  
  This is what I found.
  
  
  
  The dues survivors of incest  and/or sexual assault are commonly far higher than what the perpetrator of the crime will ever pay. It is not fair, but it is fact, for now.
  
  Just always remember, as I so lately learned, what was done to me was not about me, it was about them. It makes no statement about who I am, only what the perpetrator is.
  
  Come join me. There will always be room for one more beyond the walls of survival.
  
  
  • Tags:
  • Denial
  • Shame
  • Guilt
  • peel the onion
  • bloom
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