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In this month's episode of Beyond Surviving Radio, I will be talking with Deb Maybury, author of “Unlock the Door-Beyond Sexual Abuse”. She will be sharing with us a bit of her own story as well as helping us to understand how coping strategies that may have kept us alive at one point but are no longer serving us.
All of us have come into contact with someone in an abusive situation at least once in our lives, or perhaps we were the victim of domestic abuse ourselves. What most people neither know or understand is that there is a lot more to breaking the cycle of abuse than just walking away from the abusive relationship. Sometimes it is about completely changing who you are and how you think, but mostly it is about healing and finding your confidence again.
On today's show we will be discussing how to break the cycle of abuse and get a second chance at a good life. We will be speaking with victims of abuse that have broken the cycle, and asking them how they did it and how their lives changed post abuse.
The phone lines will be open so if you feel you have something to contribute to the discussion please do call in! (646)716-6583
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Tonight's special guest is Connie Valentine, M.S. from Davis, CA, a survivor and activist representing the CA Protective Parents Association where the mission is to protect children from incest and family violence through research, advocacy and education. They work primarily with non-offending parents in custody disputes when children report physical or sexual abuse. Connie writes, "I am a survivor of extreme abuse. I was amnestic for all of it until middle age but had many of the symptoms of a trauma survivor. After a long arduous recovery, I am finally happy, joyous and free." And she's dedicating her self to this worthy issue. "Parental alienation groups are not what they seem," she says. "The term is used to strip children from mothers trying to protect the children from physical and sexual abuse, and give the children to the abusers both in family court and CPS. They are the exact opposite of real child protection." A message on the CPPA web site explains, "You may be told that you have to "accept" the court's decision when your child is placed with the identified abuser. No moral citizen should be expected to accept what is wholly unacceptable: the willful sacrifice of a child to a life of rape and/or battery." It concludes, " On our website you will find information, case histories, articles, resources, research and links to other websites. You will also find ideas, a growing community of protective parents, friendships, and a glimmer of hope in this dark world in which you find yourself."
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Tonight's special guest is Barbara Hughes from Sewanee, TN, a survivor and activist who wrote a book about child sexual abuse called, "Enfolded in Silence/A Story in Art of Healing from Sexual Trauma in Childhood" Born in New York City, Barbara was assaulted between 3 and 9 years old and says she lived a childhood in denial of her sexual abuse which included sexual torture. "I hid my trauma from everyone, including myself," she writes, "but was very fearful, shy, and acted out my abuse on myself. I grew up and had a career as a sculptor, raised two boys, and got into 12 Step recovery. Before that, I got involved with toxic and abusive men." She explains, "In my 40's, I started having body memories, and in therapy, remembered my repeated trauma, over the process of years. I had an art therapist who was willing to re-mother me in the boundaries of therapy. I was very angry at God." Among other things she did extensive EMDR and turned a corner in her healing. "My abuse is no longer a stone in my heart." She continues, "It has a place of honor inside me, but is at peace. I have had many healers and I am thriving and very grateful." Finally, she wrote her book, and did presentations with images about abuse and healing. "I now facilitate a support group for women survivors of child abuse (ASCA). I continue my art work and volunteer at a food bank. My marriage survived my healing process and we have a good, loving relationship now. I have grandchildren. Family is very important to me. I continue to find venues where I can show and tell about the devastation of child sexual abuse and about how you heal."
“When the universe sends you a miracle, and then asks you to surrender to the journey that is about to unfold, you have two choices. You can politely say thanks-but no-thanks, or you can commit your heart and soul to doing something entirely on faith... Breathing Fire, began as a book for others who, like author Chris Davis, had survived childhood abuse, but it quickly transformed into a modern-day fairy tale.
As women, we need to talk openly about topics that have been kept in locked boxes on the shelf. There is no need to feel shame for something that happened that we had no control over. I support courageous women like Chris who not only survive, but empower others to transform their lives to be happy.
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Tonight's special guest is Paul Rieker from Temecula, California, an abuse survivor who's doing a study of PTSD. He's seeking the mechanism by which we can take control of our emotional assignments to the past. Re-arranging the priority of our dreams appears to be the key to placing joy and optimism where there was once anger and fear, and to replace our dwelling on the past. A troubled childhood included a severe beating by his father at 6 years old. Paul relates, "He was screaming, "I wish you were never born." This event created many problems for me in my life, into adulthood. It caused an "ADHD" symptom." Paul says, "We hear from therapists, that psychological development is damaged with trauma. This is true. In many ways, I stopped my development." He goes on, "In therapy, this situation came open. Dan Roden, who introduced me to the process which I am now terming "Abreaction, Desensitization and Emotional Reframing, changed the memory of this trauma." Paul continues, "I spent 12 hours, in trance therapy. Within the 12 hours of that 2 weeks, I was healed of my multiple emotional fixations which where the underlying cause of my suicidal fixation." Eventually he became certified as a Clinical Hypnotherapist, of American Council of Hypnotist Examiners, and now provides therapy for all types of trauma. Paul believes the model of 1 hour of therapy per week, per the Insurance Payment Plans, is insufficient and not the best process for healing. It's his opinion that therapy should be 2-3 hour sessions, with 4 or 5 sessions occurring within 30 days, so the problems are solved. In his experience a reduction of PTSD symptoms by 50% is possible in 30 days, with 5-20 hours therapy.
Dr. Dorothy Martin-Neville, a.k.a. Dr. Dorothy, survived unthinkable abuse and neglect as a child to become a world traveler, highly successful psychotherapist, author and international speaker featured on TED Talks, The Oprah Winfrey Network and The New York Times to name a few. She joins us to share her amazing story of survival along with advice on how to get out of your own way and seize your dream!
"Dreams for my future have been the driving force of my life. They have kept me alive, kept me sane, and allowed me to go from surviving to living. -Dr. Dorothy
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SPECIAL TOPIC Night - "For Our Kids" - Deborah Maddison and Tracy Baxter, Canadian activists from British Columbia, will join Bill Murray to lead this evening's discussion about the Rights of Children and Families in North America. Tonight's TOPIC: "CPS and our Family Courts - A Criminal Consortium?" When does abuse of power cross the line into flat out criminal behavior? With precedent setting court cases challenging this criminal enterprise under such statutes as RICO (criminal racketeering), Misfeasance (wrongful exercise of lawful authority) and Malfeasance (legally unjustified/harmful act by a public official) succeeding, and the exposure of Child Trafficking and Abuse by these same agencies, it is very clear who the real criminals are. More frighteningly, they are still operating flagrantly and for the most part without any penalty at all. Tonight we speak with Melissa Deigel, a mother desperate to save her medically kidnapped children who instead, has been threatened and silenced and stripped of her rights, Advocate Malinda Sherwyn, who has both witnessed and stood up for many such parents facing criminal abuses and Advocate and Author Eugenea Couture, whose compelling experience as a child abused in this system gives her a unique insight as to what really happens when CPS steps in to 'protect' children from loving parents.~~ Every two weeks a new THEME will be presented in this series, with frequent special guests speaking from their own experience. ~~ Please see our web page at: www.NAASCA.org/ForOurKids or write to:email@example.com
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Q & A Night - You'll suggest the themes for tonight's show, which will involve any topic from the world of public safety, violence prevention, and child abuse and trauma. Special co-host Dr. Debra Warner, Psy.D., a Los Angeles based Forensic Psychologist will lead the discussion, joined by long time NAASCA family member Simon Weinberg from San Diego. Simon and his wife are documentary filmmakers whose award winning work includes "Men and Boys Healing." ~~ NAASCA is pleased to announce that Debra will be making regular special co-host appearances on upcoming Tuesday night question-and-answer style community participation shows. An educator and violence prevention expert, Dr. Warner will assist SCAN host and NAASCA founder Bill Murray field questions and lead a variety of topic discussions suggested by our call-in participants. Debra's understanding of the issues of child abuse and trauma spring not only from a professional perspective, but also from a personal one. Multiple members of her own family have been victims of predators. She'll share how she's participated in their struggle with surviving and thriving. ~~ Everyone's invited to engage on tonight's show .. on the phone or in SCAN's ever-present community chat room. ~~ Please visit our website: www.NAASCA.org
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Tonight's special guest is Nicolette Winn from San Angelo, Texas, a survivor, activist and author of "One." She says she's, ".. applying the principles of Industrial-Organizational Psychology to my role as Founder of "No Longer Silenced Movement" to pair teen and young adult survivors of child abuse with positive, concise resources so that they can succeed in life after abuse." She goes on, "Teen and young adult survivors of child abuse often don't have resources after leaving foster care or abusive homes. I wrote a book to reach out to them and started a program." NAASCA agrees there are not enough services provided to foster care kids, especially those needed in the particularly difficult time of transitioning out of protective serves and emerging into adult life. The quote from Jordan Shaw that accompany's the book's Amazon page reads, ""All it takes to start a raging inferno is a spark and only a step to start a life changing journey. This book tells the story of a girl with the will of a titan as she journeys through abuse and transforms into a powerhouse of a young woman. It's a personal account of her journey that is a vehicle of inspiration for others to either relate to or use as a stepping stone to find help. Let this book inspire you to reach out and help those who may be too scared to make the first move. Be the spark, be the shove to get them walking and started on their journey out."
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