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Tonight we will be discussing the duties of stepparents. Do you allow the stepparents to discipline your children? What are the rolls that you expect a stepparent to fulfill? Should a stepparent be called mommy or daddy or by their first name? Do you have a problem with your child calling a stepparent mom or dad? Tonight we will jump into the subject of extended or blended families and the pros and cons of being a stepparent. Tune in from 7pm to 9pm and call in at 347-308-8813 to join in the conversation.
Join our co-hosts, Catherine Stafford and Josh Kuersten in conversation with Melissa Lowenstein.
Melissa is an author and editor who has collaborated on seven books with Howard Glasser. She is also a Nurtured Heart Advanced Trainer; a facilitator and grant writer for the AHA! (Attitude. Harmony. Achievement.) program for teens, which brings social-emotional learning to 3500 youth each year in southern California; a parent and stepparent; and has been, over the years, a yoga teacher, contemporary dancer and choreographer, visual artist, theater director and actor, and enthusiastic participant in personal growth groups and workshops. She lives in Santa Barbara, California with her partner, William Swan, her two school-aged children, and Will’s teen son. She loves to read, write in her journal, watch great films, and spend time outdoors near bodies of water and very large trees.
This podcast is suitable for all audiences as many of the thoughts and stories shared will offer transitional ideas for our listeners to breathe in.
In this episode we will be discussing the challenges of being a stepparent. Often when people get remarried, they are often surprised with how difficult it can be to parent their new spouses children. It is often much more difficult to do then parenting their own children. Blended family present an entire new spectrum of challenges and issues. In this episode we will be exploring these challenges and discussing ways to navigate through them.
in Self Help
Tonight's special guest is Melanie Jacobs-Davis from Monroe, Michigan, an abuse survivor who was a victim of rape at 7 years old and a survivor of domestic violence as an adult. Melanie is now an activist fighting against abuse. "I'm taking a tragedy and making it into something wonderful," she says, "so that everything I've been through, will not have been in vain." Melanie relates that she was unlucky in the stepparent department. Her stepmother performed unspeakable acts of verbal and psychological abuse, and her stepfather hated her. In third grade, she began spending a lot of time staying at the home of her best friend, Bessie. But unfortunately Bessie's stepfather, a large man of 280 lbs, began sexually assaulting them. This continued for a year until one night he went too far. "I couldn't keep the secret anymore," said Melanie. "I had to tell someone. I reached out to my fourth grade teacher, and she in turn notified the proper authorities." Her predator eventually accepted a plea deal and was convicted of 2nd degree Criminal Sexual Conduct with a person under the age of 12 with special circumstances. He got nine years. "The events that unfolded after that in my life were a direct result of the trauma I endured from ALL of the abuse I suffered from, not just the sexual abuse. I had zero self-worth, no self-confidence and I began using drugs regularly to escape the pain." She says "I ended up in one dysfunctional relationship after another until I finally met my ex-husband, to whom I almost lost my life". Eventually she realized things HAD to change. "I got myself sober all by myself and I fought, she says. "I fought like I've never fought before."
Raising a blended family comes with its share of hurdles. In the United States, approximately one-third of all households are blended. With patience and a optimistic outlook, the blended family can be one filled with affection, respect, and appreciation.
It isn’t easy for the children when parents remarry. They are trapped in the middle of a situation that can cause immediate feelings of frustration and sadness.
It can be particularly hard to find the right balance when you’re a stepparent. Many adults try to blend their families with high expectations. Many think it will be similar to their previous marriage in terms of time spent with their spouse and the attentiveness they’ll be able to give the relationship. Unfortunately, this may not match your reality.
Every family has a different dynamic. The trick to making a blended family work is finding a new, combined dynamic that includes time spent together, discipline, and rules BOTH parties can live with.
Let’s look at 7 tips for creating a great blended family.
Register for the seminar: Family: Putting the Pieces Back Together Saturday October 11, 2014 http://www.eventbrite.com/e/family-putting-the-pieces-back-together-tickets-11728338777
[Season 3, Episode 01]
Being a step parent is challenging enough, particularly after a divorce. But when the children are teenaged, a new spouse may find himself or herself being treated like an intruder into a family that has longtime memories and emotional ties. What happens if the children disapprove of your marriage? What if they are old enough to express opinions about your relationship, but are not old enough to live in their own house? How do you enforce respect from teenagers living with you and your spouse? Who is responsible for making sure they don't cross the line - you, or their biological parent? Can you bond emotionally with children who have already reached their teen years? Should you try to be a parent or a friend? How do you build trust? What role should you play when it comes to enforcing rules? What do you do if they make it clear they have not accepted their parent's divorce and have not accepted you as an authority figure in their lives?
Men are in the hot seat tonight.. Everywhere you look, we are force-fed stories about broken, single-parent homes. Single mothers are the butt of every blame game there is from boys that grow up and reveal that they are homosexual, to promiscuous girls and juvenile delinquency. The blanket picture projects the image that African-American women are sexually overcharged baby-makers for multiple men who leave them, loud and raucous creatures who have no couth and fail at child-rearing, and only have babies to get on public assistance. What options do the women have who are deeply involved with their children, and hustle between jobs and refuse to leave their children in the mix of those negative statistics? What do they do when all of their efforts are met with futility because they are in a relationship with someone new, and that man is a loving stepparent, yet the biological father refuses to accept sharing the role and instead does all he can to make the mother's life, (incidentally that of the children), a living hell. How should these problems be addressed for the sake of a nurturing environment for the children?
Ladies, we are on the hot seat tonight. Everywhere you look, we are force-fed stories about cheating men, broken fatherless homes, and child support horror stories. The blanket picture projects the image that African-American men are sexual deviants, mass-breeders and lazy monsters that abandon their children, leaving our women helpless damsels in distress who have no help with their children except the government assistance programs that give little support for major sacrifices. What options do the men who stand up for their children, and hustle between jobs and refuse to leave their children in the mix of those negative statistics? What do they do when all of their efforts are met with futility because they are in a relationship with someone new, and that woman is a loving stepparent, yet the biological mother refuses to accept sharing the role and instead does all she can to make the father's life, (incidentally that of the children), a living hell. How should these problems be addressed for the sake of a nurturing environment for the children?
Kirk Stange debunks the myth that adoption cases are usually simple. This is based on article on Illinois Divorce Attorneys Blog dated 1/3/14 titled Dad files racketeering suit over alleged wrongful adoption and another on St. Louis Father's Rights Divorce Blog dated 2/28/12 titled Update: Missouri father wins six year custody battle. Both these articles show how adoptions can often extremely contentious cases because an adoption results in the rights of one or both biological parents being terminated.
With offices in St. Louis, St. Charles, Jefferson County, Franklin County in Missouri and St. Clair County and Madison County in Illinois, you can contact Stange Law Firm and their St. Louis and St. Charles Adoption Attorneys online or at 314-963-4700.
You meet the man of your dreams, but he's a package deal...he comes with kids from a previous relationship. You fall madly in love with wedding bells following soon after. Happily ever after, right? Not when he doesn't know how to balance his commitment between his bride and his brood.
The Stepmom Coach is here to help!
Claudette Chenevert has been helping families through their stepdrama for over 20 years, and she is going to help you. Tune in as she breaks down the steps to achieving harmony in a family with unique circumstances, and we'll hear her help a guest who is on the verge of divorce because of this issue.
All of this on the next episode of The Tatum Talks where the doors of the forum are always open...
in Self Help
Dr Julie Helmrich, famous Shrink'n'Drink psychologist from Milwaukee, answered these questions: 1) positive psychology and Jungian "shadow" connections, 2) in the middle of adult sibling brothers, making me wonder if I'm disloyal to friends, 3) 12 yr old dau mean to new husband, 4) what to do with rude behavior, 5) what should I do when my friends or siblings bad mouth their spouses/partners?
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