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When we're struggling with something, the ideaof turning to somone seems simole, but we all know simple is not necessarily easy. Sometimes we stand in our own way without realizing it. It's hard to deal with a problem, and sometime harder to accept or admit we need help. Certain beliefs or ways of thinking can make it hard to ask for the help we need. There are many obstacles that may get in our way Here are some examples of the kinds of attitudes that can stand in the way — and ideas on how to get past them.
Megan Cyrulewski has been writing short stories ever since she was ten-years-old. After attending Grand Valley State University, Megan eventually settled into a career in the non-profit sector for eight years. She decided to change careers and went back to school to get her law degree from Thomas M. Cooley Law School. While in school, she documented her divorce, child custody battle and postpartum depression struggles in her memoir which is slated to be published on August 2 by Black Opal Books. Megan lives in Michigan with her 3-year-old daughter who loves to dance, run, read, and snuggle time with Mommy. Megan also enjoys her volunteer work as a Board Member with Troy Youth Assistance, a non-profit in Troy, MI.
In our HELP! SITUATION SPOTLIGHT™ series, we shine the light on challenges that community members have shared with me. This episode is, “How do I let go of my anger?”
What is anger? What constitutes “a problem” with it? Is it possible to let it go (and let it fly or float away forever)? Or, do we have anger with us for the rest of our lives no matter what we do? Anger is derived from pain. When we experience searing pain our lives, how are we supposed to respond? Do we simply become numb (yet no longer angry) or do we remain emotional, reactionary and animated by our anger?
We discuss the “pain Olympics” wherein we always lose out on trying to make people acknowledge that our individual anger and underlying pain is “worse” (or better depending on how you look at it) than that of others. The person who loses a pet, who loses a loved family member, who experiences a tragedy, who is a victim of a war or genocide; they all have an argument that their pain is “worth more” than what other people have experienced. Yet, this is one of the most negative actions to undertake in terms of poor outcomes.
No cares about me. How can the world continue on while I suffer like this? These may be accurate sentiments. The world will continue on no matter how much pain (and resulting anger) we experience. I would ask you to think about your legacy. What will you be remembered for? Will it be your anger? How does that impact you? It is not easy to find a healthy way to move forward with anger, yet it might be possible. What do we have to lose in finding out?
“No love from my daddy cause the coward wasn't there
He passed away and I didn't cry, cause my anger wouldn't let me feel for a stranger
They say I'm wrong and I'm heartless,
but all along I was lookin for a father he was gone” - Tupac Shakur
Today on HELP! Relationships 102 we talk about one of the most untalked about, unrealized , and yet most life controlling issue of guilt and shame! Most people are completely unaware of the presence of and the the power that these factors play in every single person's life! The LORD desires to make you free, indeed!
Join us as we address this very unaddressed issue!
In our HELP! SITUATION SPOTLIGHT™ series, we shine the light on challenges that community members have shared with me. This episode is, “How do I pick “the right” college for my first degree?”
If you are new to your first college degree, in general (from a US perspective), degrees are awarded based on completed credit hours. One credit hour is based on one class hour per week throughout the duration of a semester. So, a class that meets for three hours per week for an entire term will be worth three credit hours upon successful completion. An associate degree is roughly 60 credit hours. A bachelors degree is 120 credit hours. Thus, to earn a bachelors degree would take 40 different three credit classes (which is why it takes several years to graduate). So, what is “the right college” for your first college degree (associate or bachelor)?
“Why are you going to college?” If you are not at all concerned with financial issues (more income, promotions, more job opportunities, etc.) and are only motivated by personal enjoyment/ enlightenment concerns, select your college based on your interests. If you want to really learn about botany, study botany! If you are primarily motivated by financial concerns, select your “right college” based on going to the highest caliber (“best”) school that you are able to gain admission to (if it was easy, everyone would do it).
Here are some potential resources to utilize:
In our HELP! SITUATION SPOTLIGHT™ series, we shine the light on challenges that community members have shared with me. This episode is, “How do I know if someone is really my friend?”
Ah, friendship. The bond that forms where we are safe to share our secrets, fears and dreams. We take off our “masks” that we use with the world (to protect us) and we share our authentic selves. The bliss of spending time with a true friend is one of the best parts of life.
Yet, what about the painful experience of letting our guard down, sharing our authentic selves, trusting a person and then later having to face the fact that we were deceived, tricked and manipulated by the person we trusted? We are broken as a person when our trust is broken. How may we ensure that we have “real” friends in our lives while preventing being hurt and made a fool of by “pretend” friends?
Q: How do I know if someone is really my friend?
A: The behavior of a friend is based on the foundation that your happiness is their happiness. Any behavior to the contrary indicates that they are not (yet or still) a friend.
Insults, making fun of you, etc., these are all behaviors that show you the person is not (at this time) your friend. Is it possible that a person was your friend at one time in the past and has changed their mind and is no longer your friend? Yes. Is it possible that someone who is currently not your friend may develop into a “real” friend in the future? Yes.
What do we do to protect ourselves while being open to “real” friends? If the person behaves based on a foundation that your happiness is their happiness, continue to reciprocate (it takes a friend to have a friend). If the person is not behaving that way, you cease to do so (until they return to friendship behavior). “Friends! How many of us have them?” (Whodini, Escape album, 1984)
Who Am I? How My Daughter Taught Me to Let Go and Live Again ~ with author Megan Cyrulewski
Who Am I? How My Daughter Taught Me to Let Go and Live Again, is about Megan's journey into post-partum depression, anxiety disorder, panic attacks, stays in the psych ward, divorce, domestic violence, law school, how she managed to graduate from law school and a beautiful little girl who emerged from all of this chaos.
For more information visit: http://www.megancyrulewski.com/
Today on HELP! Relationships102, we open up the question of true love! GOD's love and human love are as different as night and day! What is love as the LORD defines it? And just as importantly, how do I find it?
Join us as we address this unaddressed issue!
SHOW NOTES: In our HELP! SITUATION SPOTLIGHT™ series, we shine the light on challenges that community members have shared. This episode is, “I am being subjected to ‘The Silent Treatment’ from someone. How do I handle it?”
This is a challenging subject as many of us would prefer to remain silent about “the silent treatment” (ouch). Yet, we cannot do so. We prefer our aggression served out loud so that we are able to hear it. When we are confronted with aggression masquerading as innocent activity, it is slithery and elusive. When exactly did it start? Are we imagining it? Is silence really deafening or are we simply too sensitive?
In this show we discuss ‘the silent treatment’ at work and in our personal lives. These two questions will be our guides irrespective of the setting.
1) How much are you invested in the person?
2) How much are you invested In the relationship?
What is ‘the silent treatment’? Maybe I am simply imagining it? Or, perhaps I am confused and mistake a quiet person for an act of aggression?
The silent treatment is a form of aggression. It is not your imagination. It is not you being too sensitive. It is not that some people are quiet (as quiet people are not entirely silent, they simply speak less loudly and less often).
Specifically, this behavior is passive-aggression. “Passive aggression is aggression by “not doing” — and deliberately not communicating or giving someone the “silent treatment” is one of the more common forms of it. And passive-aggression can be one tool in an arsenal of weapons that people use to manipulate and/or a
In our HELP! SITUATION SPOTLIGHT™ series, we shine the light on challenges that community members have shared with me. This episode is, “REJECTION. How do I handle it?”
The dream job that you desperately desired and did not get. The new romantic relationship that you knew was “the one” that dissipated into a cruel void of emptiness. The “forever” friendship that ended abruptly. REJECTION.
In all of its forms it is searingly painful and brings to the surface the most powerful emotional responses possible. Why did they get the job/work assignment/ promotion and not you? Why are they dating them and not you? What is wrong with you? What could (or should) you have done differently? Rejection has the potential to trigger deeper issues within ourselves and bring historical abandonments and rejections (parents, past jobs, past personal relationships, etc.) roaring to life to wreak havoc in our minds and our behavior. We could enter into the downward and destructive spiral of telling ourselves, “You are never good enough.” We will not.
How do we “handle” rejection? We don’t. We acknowledge it. We refuse to “accept” it and we leave it where it is. We do not pick it up and carry it forward with us. We do not pick it up and pull it close into our minds and think about it continuously allowing it to trigger past pain and regret.
We define ourselves and our value. If we predetermine that we have value and we have a strategy and plan for our lives (personal and profession), it does not matter what “they” think and do. Their rejection is just that. It belongs to them. We must leave it there. A Buddhist parable illustrates this point of leaving “the gift” of rejection with the person who is offering it (http://www.uua.org/re/tapestry/children/loveguide/session12/sessionplan/stories/168913.shtml).
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