Sacred Insights with Kathy Karlander  

Necessary Limits

By Kathy Karlander

The idea of placing limits on ourselves may seem contrary to many teachings in the spiritual world.  However, if you really think about it, you will see that limits can be good things.  Not only can they be good, but are necessary for building strong foundations upon which to grow.

Parents wouldn’t dream of giving their car keys to their three year old child, and for good reason.  A three year old is not ready to undertake driving a motorized vehicle.  They would be doing well to navigate their sidewalk with a tricycle.  As parents we inherently understand that to help our children grow and develop, we have to teach them step by step.  We want them to reach beyond their comfort zone in order to grow, yet we also know how to set healthy limits to make sure they are growing safely. 

It is much the same in school.  We send our children to kindergarten to learn the alphabet, numbers, and how to interact socially with other children.  We do not send our children to kindergarten expecting them to master algebra or write a Pulitzer prize winning novel.  We may hope they will one day do those very things, but we understand that if we threw too much at them too soon the results would be disastrous.  So we give our children permission to grow step by step.  This is a time tested and proven method for learning and growing.

So why is it as adults we don’t give ourselves the same permission?  Why is it that we often expect too much from ourselves, too soon?  In many ways we are still just children, trying to figure out how life works, trying to figure out how the Universe works.  Spiritually speaking we have moved past the infancy stage and moved into the school age stage.  Why not give ourselves, just as we give our children, permission to learn in steps or stages? 

I invite each of you reading this article to take a moment to reflect on your own life.  Have you been expecting too much from yourself?  Do you set necessary limits in your life, so that you may build a strong foundation for long term growth and success? 

As you reflect, as you gauge your own limits, it may be helpful to quantify where possible.  For example, I know that I cannot sit on my bed with my legs crossed for more than 30 minutes without earning a back spasm.  I know that 30 minutes is my limit.  Now, I could look at that with disdain, or I can recognize that it is simply a healthy limit.  If I want to avoid the back spasm I have a couple of choices.  I can choose to strengthen my back muscles so I can sit for longer periods of time, or I can choose to be mindful of how long I am sitting on my bed.

Some of you reading this right now know that you have trouble spending long periods of time in large crowded spaces.  The energy can be overwhelming.  Each one of you reaches your ‘limit’ (how long you can be in a space without repercussions) at different times.  This is not about defining a definitive amount of time that works for all people, but defining, quantifying, what works for you.  If you know that you can handle 20 minutes at the mall without feeling drained, then 20 minutes is your limit.  If you can last 2 hours, then 2 hours is your limit.  Once you realize what your limit is, you have two choices.  You can either do something to increase your limit, your threshold, or you operate within your limit while accepting it with grace.

Maybe with the financial crunch many are feeling it is just another example of learning through limits.  If we mismanaged our resources and money in the past, perhaps it was because we had too much too soon.  So like any good parent, the Universe said, “enough is enough.  You will get no more allowance until you learn to manage what you already have.”

The Universe/God/Creator is our ultimate Parent, providing us with safe and necessary limits to promote growth.  The next time you feel like you hit a wall, or feel frustrated that things are not working the way you would like for them to, stop and ask yourself, “what limit have I just crossed?” 

To find out more about Kathy, her services, or workshops please visit www.sacredinsights.com