The relationship forecast looks especially bleak for a large majority of African American women.

     According to the New York Times 70% of Black women are not married and 42.3% have never been married. 

     Compared to 57% of Whites only 34%of African Americans wed, and by the tenth year nearly half of those marriages are over. 

     White women, Hispanic women and even more Black men marry than Black women.*

     This data has some single Black females worried about whether they will ever jump the broom, does Black love have a chance anymore, and if so will they find a love that lasts? 

     Relationship Coach Vince Hudson’s answer is a firm “yes” to all of the above! Hudson is the Marketing Director for Cover Girl Cosmetics, North America.  He is convinced that experiencing a healthy relationship is possible beyond fantasy land.   All a girl (or guy) really needs to succeed in the relationship market, he believes, is a mental make-over and a little brand focused strategy to attract and keep the man of her dreams.

     After years of listening to complaints from friends, drifting through articles about split-ups and the raging divorce rate in America, coupled with personal experience, Hudson surmised that, just as products that don't live up to the claims on their label fail, people will never find their soul mate as long as they are presenting a false image of who they are. 

     He’s confident that women should be optimistic about holy matrimony in their future plans because throughout his successful career he has consistently seen strategic thinkers win.

     “The ladies at my job,” -- most of them professional, in or approaching their thirties and never before married -- “were constantly asking me about relationships and I began to notice these patterns.  I started to explain things to them in marketing terms, telling them that they are the brand and their light bulbs went off,” the 16-year marketing vet shares about how he got started.  As rapper Jay Z's self-proclaimed biggest fan, he too has a way with words, so he decided to "break it down" in those terms to the masses.

What a girl wants

     In a market over-saturated with women, honing a competitive edge is crucial. To do so, Hudson emphasizes the importance of delivering brand clarity and at seminars imparts a 4-step process that applies basic marketing principles to assist singles in quickly assessing and eliminating potential time-wasters. 

     Do you really know what you want in a man?  More importantly, do you know what you don’t want in a man?  A woman’s mind, heart and mouth must be synchronized in order to get the results she desires in any situation, including the area of love and relationships.  As a relationship coach Hudson emboldens women to look into the mirror of introspection, determine what they want and need in a man and to make sure that the image they project communicates their expectations. That’s brand clarity.  She must also understand the true definition of love, found in the Holy Bible (1 Corinthians 13). Missing this piece of the puzzle—not knowing the meaning of love-- is one of the top reasons hearts are broken. 

What a girl needs (and how to get it!)

     Here are some of Hudson’s tips on avoiding relationship pitfalls to take you into this season of love and romance refreshed:

Q: What is the #1 thing a woman must know about her personal brand to be effective in the marketplace of love?

A: She has to ask herself what is my point of advantage in the point of difference.  In other words, why would anybody care about me vs. another brand?

Q: What do women need to do to attract the right men?

A: You gotta think about it like business and have a strategy.  Being strategic is more important than anything.  Girls that are strategic will always win over girls that aren’t which is why Microsoft came out of nowhere on IBM and Apple came out of nowhere on Microsoft.  Maximizing your demand in the market is really what it comes down to. 

Q: What mistakes do women consistently make in relationships?

Most women that I observe do either of two things:

1. They make poor choices and that’s getting all wrapped up in men that aren’t all wrapped up in them. 

2. They decide: I’m giving up and I’ll let fate take its course.

In business neither one of those strategies has ever worked.

Q: How can a woman find and maximize her demand with the man of her dreams?

A: It’s not about you being smart, beautiful, witty or rich. It’s about you being strategic and that means nothing more than making the best decisions to get the most happiness for your brand on the market.  Michael Franks has a song that says what good is a song if it ain’t in my key?  He’s gotta be as into you as you are into him and if it’s not mutual to the point that the connection is divine, then that’s not your soul mate. You gotta de-select those who are not the one to increase to odds of finding the one. When you narrow down your options you’ve got a greater chance of connecting with the right person.

Q: What is the question a woman must ask to ensure that she is targeting likely prospects?

A: What is the key benefit I desire or the thing I’m looking for in a mate that will help me de-select others?  Get the stuff you know won’t work out of the way.

     They may also need to get a proper definition of what a relationship is.  It’s more than that feeling and those butterflies; love is beyond the butterflies and the bling.  Those things are necessary but not sufficient, because they don’t sustain.  If you change what you are looking for you change what you get, so if you look for short term attributes, you get short term relationships.

     These principles about relationship strategy meet you where you are in your life. You can be an empty nester, a 21-year-old or a divorcee.  To go from heartbreak to healing, Hudson suggests keeping a positive outlook, knowing there is someone for everyone. 

     The budding author affirms, “You can always keep your brand growing ...” 

     Plus, keep in mind that products are improved and frequently re-introduced to the marketplace “new and improved”. 

     Once you’ve obtained sufficient “product knowledge” adapting these strategies from the brand marketing guru, may even prepare you to re-connect with someone from your past.  “You can re-launch as long as you are clear about what made it fail the first time,” advises Hudson. (And of course, it he’s single too.)

But before you move forward with the next suitor, go into it realistically acknowledging there is a 50/50 chance it could work—or not! 

     In Hudson’s opinion, “Soft and cheap failure is a good thing.  That means date; get some experience and understand how you all relate. Get data points that will help you make decisions down the road. And remember: All roses are not relationships, all kisses are not contracts. (That came from a popular poem.)”

     Vince Hudson anticipates completing his first book on love and relationships this year.

     Ultimately, Hudson hopes to inspire singles to engage in healthier dating experiences and courtships with increased potential to turn into life-long unions. 

*Numerical data taken for the "Soulmate" documentary.