1. Get Your Head Up Out Of Your Ass
2. Stop Sucking Your Thumb
3. Cut Back On Your Meth Intake
4. Throw That Confederate Flag Out - Or - Take It To Goodwill
5. Don't Listen To Ted Nugent
6. America Is Already Great - But NOT Because Of You ButtHeads
7. Lose Some Weight - Maybe - 50-75 lbs.
8. Don't Try Dating Anyone Who Can Speak In Complete Sentences
9. You Don't Have To Reveal In Public That You Like Eating Fried Squirrel
10. When You Drink Pure Grain Alcohol Try Not Lighting A Match Near Your Wide Open Mouth
11. Don't Try Pissing While On The Middle Strip Of A Major Thoroughfare --- Try Hitting A Back Alley Or Behind A Building
12. Lastly, Try To Wear Your Fucking Trousers So That When You Bend Over You Don't Show That Ugly Plumber's Crack!
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