Probably Uncalled For...  

Amazing. Less than two months to go before the 2008 Presidential election, and somehow, we still have 3,000 days left of this s**t. Pitbulls, soccer moms, pigs, lipstick, pregnant teenagers, unknown number of houses one own, "secret" Muslims, sexism, racism, experience, inexperience, and that's just scratching the surface, what with volumes of a**hat behavior from Sarah Palin's past coming public on a daily basis. Is this an election, or the season of Dallas they couldn't f**king air? As both a talk show host and a avid blogger/commentator, this kind of bulls**t makes me wish Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and Britney Spears would go back to being daily public dumba**es. Where the f**k are the paparazzi when you need them?...

...I'm not surprised there is an emerging drug problem in the world of sumo wrestling. Every sport has/will have their scandals eventually, and the law of averages says sooner or later, one of those scandals is going to be drugs. I guess this may, in fact, be the only sport on Earth in which marijuana is a performance enhancer. Probably nothing more self-destructive, I imagine, than a speed freak sumo wrestler. Allow me to play devil's advocate for the sumos. They are a proud athlete, with the sport going back nearly 2,000 years. This is like religion in Japan, and a major reason American-style professional wrestling is hugely popular there, as well. For many professional wrestlers out there (myself and my show's co host, included) who get irritated as hell when we see or hear about "backyard" wrestling promotions, so I can only begin to imagine what these poor guys feel when they see a bunch of half-s**tfaced frat boys in the sumo suits, looking like half-s**tface sumo action figures having seizures. They must need something to fill that hole in their soul that four fried chickens and a coke just won't. Don't get me wrong, the four fried chickens and the coke's gonna happen, we all know that, all I am asking is won't somebody please think of the sumos?...

...got quite a bit of amusement when we got to the story on hookers in Sweden wanting to pay taxes on their earnings. Can't find any cons on this, or any rational reason to disagree, cause God knows the arguments against this are ludicrous, but I can't help but think somehow the whole joke about "twenty bucks, same as in town," are going to become a thing of the past, cause now you''' think about this, then try to calculate the exchange rate, which somehow will lead to figuring in gratuity (15%, ya cheap bastard) plus sales tax. (On average, using exchange rates current as this is written, this" $20 bucks same as in town," will run ya 165 Swedish Kronors), and by the time you're through with that cerebral mess, the moment has passed. Far and away...

already mentioned Britney Spears once in this column. That's the limit. Not like the MTV Video Music Awards f**king matter to anyone, anywhere, anymore...

...next time Oasis is performing, and a fan wants to kick one of the Gallagher brothers' a**es, I can only hope they either get the job done with whichever douchebag they pick (or get to first), or the roadies, people attending (I refuse to believe there are actually fans of Oasis left at this point), and even the rest of the band say to hell with it and sit back and watch the beat down...

 

The good...Al Franken winning his Senate primary in Minnesota on Tuesday. Now, for the general election, where the former SNL writer will face incumbent Senator Norm Coleman (R) and former U.S Senator (appointed by then-Gov. Ventura) Dean Barkley, running for the Independence Party.

 

The bad...Lindsay Lohan turning down a $700,000 offer from Playboy to pose for a spread. I know I trashed this out on the show, and rightfully so, but let me explain why I've given this the "bad" for the week so far. While the idea of paying someone like Lohan any kind of folding money to flash her damaged goods is an automatic bad, as is people paying for the...ahem...opportunity to see it (doesn't anyone have the Internet? I mean, for f**k's sake, who hasn't seen Lindsay Lohan naked?) I have a Playboy subscription, but I think I'd have to send that one back, or see how much some schmuck would pay for it on eBay, make up the pro-rated loss of value of my subscription for that year. If you haven't seen her naked, then give up already. Take my word for it, you've seen one rusted-out car in an alley, you've pretty much seen them all. Could have been worse, however. Playboy could have made the offer to Samantha Ronson.

 

The ugly...I went ahead and gave this to Gary Coleman, for his vehicular mishap. Look, hitting some anonymous a**hole with your car is so last year. Notice there weren't any photographers following your every move? Go find another bulls**t reality show to go hang your wee hat on, cause all the seeing over the dashboard jokes have all been done, and are best served for the elderly. Schmuck.

 

Catch you next week on the show...