Probably Uncalled For...  

Part one...You gotta feel bad for Denise Crews, down in MacClenny, Florida. First, she loses her husband, then, some a**hat starts stealing the flowers from her husband's grave! Aw, WTF, man?! What's the matter pal, your skank girlfriend no longer turned on by the panty roses you've been dropping three bucks on here and there?

Fed up, and rightfully so, Crews went to the extent of installing a hidden motion-sensitive camera to try and catch the d**khead at work. Nice try, Mrs. Crews, but damned if he didn't take the f**king camera, too!

Well, crap. Some people have identified an older model pickup parked near the grave, and First Coast Crime Stoppers is taking tips on leads. Here's to hoping they find whoever is doing this asinine s**t. In a perfect world, Mrs. Crews, they'd let you smash the jerk's hands with the business end of a Louisville Slugger...

Part two...Then again, I suppose some optimism is more altruistic than others. Over in Washington, D.C., a new plan is being tweaked slightly over concerns that people's rights may be abused. The program? Allowing people to call and schedule an appointment for the police to come and check the house for illegal firearms. The program grants amnesty from firearm possession charges, but not for any crimes committed with the gun.

And yet, somehow, people aren't flooding the D.C. police stations with calls to get a gun search booked? I mean, it's not exactly like a radon check or something..."Yes sir, we just moved into our home, and we were wondering if you could swing through and check for any wayward illegal firearms. We're pretty sure nothing was done with them, but we'd like you to come and get them, just in case." I wanna hear the tape of that conversation.

I can't fault them for trying new tactics in the war on crimes, but if they could only figure out some options that seem a little more realistic...