Tonight's special guest is Michal J Payne from California, a child abuse survivor and new NAASCA family member. Michal is a writer and has produced a book "The Remembered Self: A Journey into the Heart of the Beast" that she'll share about. She also has a blog where she regularly posts news stories on child abuse, incest, health issues of survivors, power and politics regarding survivors, and other topics. Michal's grateful for this opportunity and writes that she needs, ".. a place to open up as it is very lonely sometimes and I feel torn about having told in my book. There is always a price for telling but if nobody tells there will be no healing." Her sexual abuse started very young, in the crib, when she remembers waking up screaming with the feeling of something choking her. The fear of swallowing returned when she was in her twenties. MJ writes. "I had a sudden onset of severe panic attacks that required medication as the memories tumbled out." She began working on herself. "I kept a diary of my dreams and went over them with my therapist," she shares. "As the puzzle pieces were assembled I reclaimed a part of myself with the placing of each piece." MJ goes on, "Many times I wished I had not been born. I was angry at God, at life, and at my rebellious will to live." She turned to the Psalms and found glimpses of peace. That was then. "Now I have learned how to maintain my boundaries in life and prevent people who would seek to harm me from gaining entrance." Michal concludes, "You have the right to share and the right to privacy." We couldn't agree more.