Tonight's special guest is Tess from Ohio, an adult survivor of child abuse and a writer by profesion. Tess was the youngest of four children, each of whom went to 12 years of Catholic school. On the outside they appeared like The Brady Bunch, but this was far from the truth. She says her father was, ".. an intensely sadistic, extremely prolific pedophile. I was sexually co-abused with one of my sisters, and made to abuse each other when I was ages 3-5 and she was 7-9." Tess was forced to engage in an all-men's Satanic ritual. She reports that when she was five, "I was made to participate in a little boy’s murder. He’d (her father) swap me out among other pedophiles while he raped their kids, too." She goes on, "He punished me with such physical pain I still don’t remember what it was he did. He was obsessed with leaving no marks so a lot of times the torture was vaginal." Tess quickly learned the smartest thing she could do was pretend it hadn’t happened. "I taught myself to repress it all. When I was a grownup, I told myself, I would be able to do whatever I wanted and I could tell everyone and [my father] would go to jail." She repressed her memories for another 30 years. But her father never went to jail, despite her reporting him to police after witnessing him grooming a child. "That recent betrayal by police, of all I’d gone through, did the most harm to my resilience." Now she writes poems and goes to therapy. "I look for people who understand. I stand up to him and have successfully prevented [my father] from raping at least five children I know of. Here is my victory: I care. I trust. I give. I live."
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