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MZGLORIA

http://WWW.MYSPACE.COM/GLORIANEWSOME


Country: United States

Language: English

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Mz.Gloria World of Love & Poetry  

Time and Life is so very precious...take nothing or no one for granted...tell EVERYONE who means something to you...THAT YOU CARE! Please remember to pass kindness onto all who may cross your path, be it family, friends, loved ones or strangers.....for you may not know just how much of a difference you can make in someones life...please do that for me! A SMILE costs you nothing, but creates much with it's lasting effects. It enriches those who receive it, without impoverishing those who give it. Also Check out BIGGREDD11 on blackplanet.com leave a comment please!

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    LOVING SOMEONE WITH AN ADDICTION

    Loving Someone With An Addiction
     
    Addiction is an epidemic in our communities. No doubt you will know someone with an addiction problem, or someone close to you will. Addiction also relates to anyone who is caught up in any of the compulsive and/or addictive self destructive behaviors that are symptoms of codependency:  drugs, alcohol, gambling,  spending,  eating disorders,  sexual or relationship addictions,  inability to hold a job,  etc. You may notice signs to indicate a problem, such as mood swings or changes in behavior, friends, and activities. Caring for someone with an addiction to alcohol or drugs is one of the toughest issues for people to live with because you are always at the mercy of the addicts self destructive behavior, some days good, some days are terrible because you never know what you are in for, and coping with that is seriously stressful and difficult.
     
    At the end of the day, someone with addiction issues is powerless over their substance use until they make a decision to stop and the people that care for them have even less power. A person who is acting out self destructively has no reason to change if they do not ever suffer major consequences for their behavior.  If they are rescued from consequences, they are enabled to continue practicing their addiction. Really the only effective way of managing the situation is to emotionally detach from their using, and ultimately that will be the beginning of the end. Unless the addict agrees to get help. Rescuing someone who is actively practicing addiction of some kind, is enabling.  It is dysfunctional because it supports the person in continuing to practice their addiction.  Helping someone to continue to self destruct is not support, it is codependency and it is also not loving it is codependent dishonest .
     
    Addictions ruin relationships. Another trap for ourselves is when we begin expecting the addict to behave and act like a "normal person" bottom lines is they can't, so if you find yourself expecting your addicted loved one to do, say, act, feel or behave in a certain way, then please know that you can expect to be let down. An addict is unable to connect emotionally with themselves, or anyone else. People abuse substances to escape what's going on inside of their head leaving them completely emotionally unavailable.  In relationship terms, the addiction will always come first.  Expectations = disappointment. Disappointment feeds and breeds more negative thoughts and emotions, from there the ball just keeps rolling and for that reason an addict cannot begin to make progress in learning to love themselves until they start being kind to themselves in healthy ways. 
     
    A very important part of being kind to themselves is learning how to say no, and how to set and be able to defend the boundaries.  Unconditional Love does not mean being a doormat for other people no matter how much we may love someone.  To think that loving someone means we have to accept being abused by them is dysfunctional and it demonstrates a lack of love for ourselves.  If we do not know how to be loving to ourselves, then we cannot truly love another person in a healthy way.  If we do not honor ourselves, show respect for ourselves, by having boundaries, then the other person is not going to respect us. Today we live in a society where the emotional experience of "love" is conditional on behavior.  Where fear, guilt, and shame are used to try to control other's behavior because we believe that their behavior reflects their self-worth.
     
    Addiction is not a crime, it's an illness and it crosses all lines of race, age, sex, and religion. But it is a crime how those closest to the addict are often treated.  As we try to manage and move on with our shattered lives we are often times judged for who we dared to love. We are not to blame for loving someone who did not have enough strength or belief to love themselves. We shouldn't allow others to hold us accountable for doing whatever it takes to move on with our lives. When we love ourselves by letting go we are not being selfish we are taking what has happened to us and becoming stronger for it. Our broken hearts need not be wasted as hopefully we can reach out to others like ourselves and give them strength to stand-up against the judgmental society we live in. But for the addict, treatment is the first and recognizable step, but long-term recovery requires a lifetime commitment to healthy decisions and endless actions.
    How To Help Yourself:
     
    Understand~First, one must completely understand the what's, why's and the how's of Addiction. Addiction is a chronic relapsing brain disease that does not discriminate. Don't ignore the problem. Decide for yourself that you will no longer be involved with the person as long as he or she is acting out the addiction.
    Acceptance~Second, unfortunately acceptance takes time and as someone who loves someone with an addiction you must be willing to let go what you can not fix.  Loved ones of addicts may experience questioning their own personal struggles with insecurities, enabling, and codependency and feel trapped. At times you may experience teeter-totter emotions of either abandoning or supporting the addictive personality,  and this can be very exhausting. Don't be overly confrontational.
     
    Forgiveness~Most importantly and somewhat difficult for many, you must learn to forgive yourselves for blaming. We can not fix the addict but we can make our own life more manageable during this process. Make the addiction of the person you love as uncomfortable as possible cutting off all support. Make recovery as attractive as possible and be prepared for the moment that the suffering person sincerely asks you for help.
     
    The truth is that we all have some type of an addiction. Once you learned to be honest with yourself, only then can you live a normal lifestyle and take responsibility of your own decisions, obstacles and choices. When experiencing anger or frustration because of loving someone with an addition, learn to channel your emotions to a more positive outlook. Focus on how you have decided make your life better. When you completely accept your lack of control and deal with your own controlling behavior, then you can be open to learning about the loving action to take in your own behalf and in behalf of the addicted person. Oftentimes we may ask "God why me", loved ones experience crisis on a regular basis because sadly addiction is everywhere. It helps for us to pray and rather or not you believe in God/Allah/Jehovah or any other higher power, you need to vent your frustrations, anger, hurt or whatever you may be feeling to someone. Venting, praying and having faith and hope that one day your dreams will validate your thoughts, prejudices, judgments and the stereotyping and especially the lack of understanding of addiction, addicts, and all of the people who are affected by it. So whether you are affected, directly or indirectly by addiction keep in mind that~Freedom isn't free and change is an inside job for us all. Both take hard diligent work, but the payoff is priceless!  In the meantime, take good care of yourself for it is very important to understand that whatever is truly in your highest good, is also in the highest good of all. When you take loving care of yourself, you open the door for others to take loving care of themselves.
     
    Remember that you are not alone in your struggle, never lose hope.
    My Heart, My Love & My Prayers Are Forever With You
    Hugs
    MzGloria

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