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MyYou


Country: Canada

Language: English


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MyYou  

24 years ago a woman would be held at gun point to the belly. She would also be shot at while leaving in a taxi cab and have bullet holes placed into couches all while being pregnant with her first son, me. The youngest memory I have is at the age of 4, watching my mother being mistreated by my father. It was hard growing up, being given treatment for his wrong doings... I grew up empty, never being conscious or aware of my decisions in my youth or teen years. Becoming of knowledge became a natural occurrence that I can't even explain, all thanks go to God however. God wasn't always there in my perspective and behaviors. Because I was without proper guidance, I guided myself to improper acts of self and others. Joining gangs, drinking, smoking and wanting nothing better of myself in Gods Grace. In the coming years, there would be many mistakes that wouldn't lead me to God just as yet. God eventually revealed himself, when I needed him most, though he revealed himself in private with no circumstance to claim his being there - but, his being there was based on my current circumstance in making wrong decisions. It was literally an event of waking up the next morning and changing my life. I am thankful for the guidance I received from others before my conversion. I've spent allot of time watching over my siblings, helping out raise a family that wasn't mine, the responsibility I felt I shouldn't have. As I matured, those experiences have helped me become stronger in God. Though I don't have kids, I pray for the woman who I am to be blessed with to create a loving and God fearing family with. Until then, I refrain from ungodly behavior and people. Doing my hardest to maintain a continuing faith and love for God. Building on my career, and bettering myself for the woman he has prepared me for. As a better listener, man, protector, comfort and companion.

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    Consciousness vs Nature :Becoming a Believed Believer

    I wanted to so badly become a believer that I sought after the lord in every manner, I still do actually though a lot of my understanding is matured.

    Many brother's and sister's who are on crossed roads are believers yet aren't as satisfied with their sense of self. I used to be one who felt that I should have a particular feeling or emotion that was consistent to my wanting and desire of God's love and mercy.

    It's not that such a desire were wrong, it was how I went about it which I'm hoping to help many other's in this predicament understand.

    I was trying to force my acknowldgment of God, his ways and laws into my nature, before it were of my nature.

    This led me to struggle with my own beliefs, I had yet to believe in my beliefs otr the ability to, because it didn't feel natural. I almost, almost - gave up - yet, almost, because of my immaturity led myself into ruin by forcing God's love into a defiled nature.

    I had to keep God, His love and his ways in consciousness, in order to rid myself of my nature. In this manner, I became aware as to why I was and wasn't supposed to do or do in the sense of not doing. This process helped me to Not merge my understanding of this faith with a defiled nature, but replace, or rather, erase and birth anew.

    I was immature in my ways, and skipped the acceptance of understanding God, His love and ways to be placed in consciousness.

    For instance, I had a hard time waking up and praying on my knee's when the lord called. I accepted my own laziness and would pray laying down, ignoring the appropriate manner in praying to God.

    The more I kept his laws in consciousness, the more they became like nature, and the less ungodly I became. The less ungodly I became, the more my appreciations to God became more natural in faith and I began to pray on my knees, despite being tired or exhausted.

    For those becoming new to the faith, don't force your love to be natural - it will happen when God permits, at the rate God permits. Do seek for a natural understanding of your faith however, by keeping His love, his laws - in consciousness. It will help, not only to separate right from wrong, but belief from disbelief.

    Take Care

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