The Dad Show  

So in this country we have millions of children who grow up with out their father. I know this is a hot button issue for some but I also know how both sides feel. I believe that one reason many leave is because they do not understand the pain their actions really cause. As I write this and watch little girls in summer dresses run from their dads, laughing as he scoops them up I think about two feelings I am all to familiar with. 1. What it feels like to be the abandoned child and 2. How hard it is to be in my children's lives a half a world away. Children want to know who they are, where they come from, and that someone loves them for these reasons when no one else does. Father's for the most part love their children but when the relationship with mom fails some mistakenly believe that it is better to just be out of the picture all together. Men are not made of stone and what others see as cute or funny an absent dad sees as all the more reason he would be doing the world and his kids a favor if he just disappeared. Recently I received and email from my estranged wife. She told me how my daughter Alexandra who's just turned three without her daddy present (at least I had some excuse I was deployed to Burma for humanitarian operations.) carried my picture and talked about me always. This brightened my day to know that one of the two most important people in my life (the other being her little brother Avery) loved me and missed me. What she said next broke my heart in ways that no one should ever have to endure. She said that the other day the wind blew the front door open and Alex ran to the door screaming "DADDY". She said this made her laugh because Alex was so cute she thought I had come home and it made her smile a little. This killed me because I have hurt my sweet baby girl so badly that now even the wind breaks her little heart. I miss their milestones and each day they grow more and more. I can not blame the man who leaves completely because he thinks the pain will be less for his children. He secretly loves and misses his kids he may follow them and watch them from a distance. He may just be completely gone. This is what I will tell any of you who read this deal with the pain do not pass it off to your children they deserve to be loved and cared for. The word Daddy should make them smile not cry. I often hear father who are fortunate to be home with their kids complain and say they can not wait for them to be gone, how they are always under their feet and they just want some peace. What a luxury it must be to be able to complain about your blessings without remorse or consequence. How lucky must these father's be to have so much good that they can foolishly desire to give it away oblivious to how devastating such desires would be should they come to fruition. So I know why Daddies leave, that pain is to much to bare. I know why he should stay a Daddy should never hurt those they love the most.

What are you doing here? Why are you even here? What is your purpose in life? Someday you may find yourself seeking the answers to these questions. Someday you may climb into that windowless room that all souls have hoping to see or hear the answer to questions that really have no absolute answer. When that day comes I want to give you some help in finding the answers you seek. The other day I was having a discussion with my god and as he always seems to do he turned the conversation to you.

Me: My lord I live in hell, go to bed with demons and wake up with the devil himself. I have no heart or soul, only an empty pit I can not fill. I feel anger, hatred and pain. I crave anger, hatred and pain. I have lost all my money, my house, my security, my marriage, and worst of all my children. I have looked the devil in the eye, eaten at his table and begged to be set free of my worldly pain.

My God: My child you are in hell because you choose to be and you choose to forget that I have plans for you that are beyond what you can comprehend at this time. I have dispatched angels that have carried your soul over caverns to wide and deep for it to ever cross alone. I have entrusted to you the care of my two most precious angels ever. You will call them Alexandra and Avery but I will call them blessings and guardians of your lost and confused soul. You will continue to be lost and confused until you choose to trust in me. Long as this may take my two angels will not leave your side. Teach Alexandra to reach for her dreams. Teach her to forgive in the face of betrayal. Show her the respect, protection and loyalty that she deserves from her brother and father. Like it or not there will come a day when she will marry and these qualities her husband must possess, do not fail me in this mission. Most important of all love her unconditionally and teach her to do the same for she is your heart. Teach Avery to be the man you will never come close to being. You are a good man but teach him to be better. Show him how to be a man of quiet strength and deep faith. Guide him, mold him into a man of honor and integrity. Tell him that nothing worldly is worth obtaining when the cost is his self respect. When the day comes that he begins to ask about women let him know that the woman he chooses should compliment him not complete him. Teach him to love his mother and sister. Teach him to honor his father. Teach him to take pride in his family and his name. Most important teach him humility and to help those you can not help themselves for he is your soul. My child I did not send these my most precious angels to watch after you because you need them and believe me you do. I did not send them because they need you, and trust me they do even if it doesn't seem like it. I sent them to you because I love you as I love them and all of you deserve the love of each other. So you have lost all your money but all the money in the world could never buy the smile you wore the day you first layed eyes on Alexandra. Ask anyone you spoke to that day they could hear that smile in your voice it was so strong. So you lost your house but have you forgotten all those nights you sat beside Avery's hospital bed as he fought to live? You did not promise him to take him to a house or pray to me asking me to let you take him to a house. You promised him, you begged me that you would take him home. You lost your marriage, how do you know it is gone forever and even if it is why do you choose to remember the negative instead of all the good. Why do you choose to brood over the bad when you only have to look into the eyes of your children to see that your marriage served you very well. You lost your security, what could be more secure then the love of Alexandra and Avery. Best of all you have never lost your children miles can not take from you what you are willing to travel the earth for. From what I can see you really have not lost anything you ever really needed in the first place.

Me: Thank you

My God: Ha Ha do not thank me, thank my angels, your blessings. Thank them and tell them you love them every day. I am just your guide they are your saviours, they are your world, your heart and your soul. Put your faith in me second and the two of them first and they will lead you out of hell and into the heaven you seek.

Me: Alexandra and Avery I love you and thank you for blessing my life, for providing me an endless supply of pride and admiration, and for showing me what really matters in this world. If you ever find yourself asking why you are here or what your purpose is in life one answer is to show me what love really is.