Lisa Nixon  

As I was reading from my diary from when "S" and I first met, I can see the tell tale signs of what was to come. Why
was I so blind not to see things for what they were? I think maybe I only saw what I wanted to see. Was it that I wanted someone to love me so much, that I allowed myself to be treated so badly or was it that I thought I deserved it? I can
 see that my self esteem was so low, I always thought it was my fault when ever something "bad" happened. Maybe I could have or should have......what ever it was .....was my fault and I should have done something different. I remember "S" saying "I Wouldn't have hit you if you had done what I told you" or "you made me do it". 

I am reading now from my old diary, I read "I'm afraid of the future, I don' know what is going to happen, I don't know what to do". I look back, (hindsite is 20/20) and we had only been married about a year and a half, at that point. I was worried then, and that was just the beginning of the torment I was about to go through. I guess I should really tell you the whole story. "S" and I meet On Halloween, 1987, in Augusta Ga, I was living with my sister Angie and He was in the Army and got transferred to Fort Hood, Texas. So, being so very much in love, (after only 4 months) I moved to Texas to be with him. I met Him in October 1987 and married him in February 1988. the only excuse I have is that I thought I had met Mr. Wonderful. Boy, how people change. Maybe he didn't change, maybe he was always like that and just hid it real well. I perhaps that is why he wanted to get married so fast. You know, when someone doesn't want to wait, maybe we should take that as a warning sign to slow down.....
well enough for now.