Radio Blog Theater  

Good evening and welcome back to radio blog theater, I am your host Lee Gooden, tonight we will begin a new drama called for the benefit of mr kite, performed by the so it goes players a nightmarish scene that might have com straight out of the headlines. An irregular rhythym sounding beneath the layers of political psychobabble that infects and effects the heart of freedom.  So join us, as we combine the enterntainment of yesteryear with the technology of today.  we at radio blog theater want to remind you to call in with your comments at the end of your show. call us at

Intro music

FOR THE BENEFIT OF MR. KITE

A PLAY BY

LEE GOODEN

A

I want a lawyer.

B

You want what?

A

A lawyer

B

(chuckles)

You want a lawyer.

A

Yes, I’m entitled to a lawyer.

B

(looks up, beseeches)

He says he wants a lawyer…says he is entitled.

(pause)

A

I plead the fifth.

B

The fifth?  The fifth dimension  A fifth of what, JD, Jimmy Bean, Old Grandad, Sou-Cal…The fifth element, what?  Give me 5, high five, Five by five, five speed on the floor five? Channel’ number five…Ben folds Five, five for fighting, five for flinching, between 4 and 6 five? Five major creationists miscomprehensions about evolution: Evolution has never been observed. Evolution violates the 2nd law of thermodynamics. There are no transitional fossils. The theory of evolution says that life originated, and evolution proceeds, by random chance. Evolution is only a theory; it hasn't been proved.

Let me tell ya, Evolution is all about adaptation.  So adapt.

A

The Fifth Amendment.  My fifth Amendment rights

B

“No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offense to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.”

Those rights…You choose to invoke the Fifth Amendment of the United States Of America’s Constitution, part of the Bill of Rights.

A

Yeah!

(pause)

B

Let’s explain something to you.  Your crime, ahem, alleged crime, your infraction, your sin is heinous.  Understand?

A

Yes.

B

Good. (pause) To be a functional member of our country…a card carrying citizen…a representative of the human race, one must understand that there are…um…taboos…things just not done…Taboos un-acted upon, social strictures that cannot be violated.

A

I don’t have any- -

B

-Get your mind out of the gutter.  We’re not talking about sexual deviation.  Your perversions are of no concern.

A

I’m not perverted.

B

Nobody cares.

A

I really think I need an attorney.

B

We’re not hearing this.

A

A court appointed attorney, isn’t that my right?

B

(Exasperated sighs)

A

I’m not understanding my rights, I was never even read my Miranda or anything.

B

We don’t need to read you your Miranda, until you are charged.  We aint talking, we like a mouse in our pockets either.  We as in many, many, many of us.

A

What are the accusations?  What am I being charged with?  I didn’t even get my one phone call. (pause) who are you?

B

See the badge, look closer.  Special agent John Doe.

A

John Doe?

B

At your service.

A

Aw, man, are you for real?

B

Real as rain compadre.

A

John Doe?

B

Serving John Q Public.

A

John Doe serving John Q mother-fucking public.

B

(slams fist on table)

Watch your mouth criminal.

A

Sorry

B

For somebody pleading the fifth, you’re awfully mouthy.

(A is silent)

Oh, now you’re not talking.

(A is silent)

Doesn’t matter anyways…you’ve been told before that- -

A

-I want my Lawyer.

B

Your lawyer? Got one?

A

Not personally, but a court appointed attorney would be adequate.

       B

You’ve been told…being a citizen is a privilege- -

A

-I know my rights

B

You don’t know jack.

A

My rights as an American… I’m entitled.  What you’re doing to me is against the law.  I’ll sue you until you can’t breathe.

B

Mouthy, mouthy…your mouth is writing checks your ass can’t cash.

(to himself)

They always think they should have more than anyone else…and if they don’t get their way, they threaten to Sue sue sue sue.

(pause)

A

I’m obviously under some type of investigation.

B

Figured that out all by yourself.

A

What are the official charges?

B

You haven’t been officially charged with anything yet.

A

So, I’m free to leave!  I can walk out that door?

B

Try it and see what happens.

A

What happens?

B

Lots of fun stuff could occur.  A bullet in the leg, the jelly of an eye squeezed out by somebody’s strong thumb and forefinger, A jugular ripped out with filed down sharpened teeth, A head twisted from the spinal column, cartilage in the nose jammed into the brain by the heel of someone’s hand. More?  A frontal lobe removed, a heart exploded by a heavy thrust to the chest.  Poison, darts, bombs, bullets, garrote, hit and run…just POOF  disappear.  POOF  Gone…

A

Or you could do nothing and let me go.

B

Or we could do nothing and let you go.

A

Really?

B

A highly unlikely scenario, but not out of the realm of possibility.

A

So there’s a chance?

B

There’s a chance for anything, because anything is possible, Gas prices might go down, world peace might be declared instead of this new cold war were slipping into.  King fucking Tut might walk through those doors and dance the Watuzi with Ethel from I Love Lucy, but again, these things are higgly-piggley and highly unlikely.

(pause)

A

What do you want from me?

B

Nothing.

A

Nothing?  Have I been arrested?

B

You have.

A

What are the charges?  Have I been charged?

B

You have not.

A

Then you can’t hold me here against my will.

B

Yes.

A

Yes, what?

(Pause)

B

Technically, you cannot be held against your will, but realistically…realistically, there isn’t anything you can do about it.

A

Nothing I can do…there’s plenty I could…I could…I- -

B

-That’s the problem, right there.

A

Where, I don’t see the problem…I um…I- -

B

Yup, you…you’re the problem.

A

Me?

B

(mimics)

I, me, mine…Good Beatles song by the way and the autobiography of George Harrison, the quiet Beatle.

I, me, mine…can’t hold me against my will, What do you want from me, I, I, I me, me, me.

The reality here…

The actuality is that you could die, now, tomorrow, be tortured slowly, kept alive for years in pain…and life for everyone else would continue.  You are insignificant as an individual, but in a group, the right group, the right collective, together…better together, worlds can be changed, entire planets can be moved.

A

I don’t understand- -

(B whacks A across the face)

-Shit!  What the fuck?

B

Every time you refer to yourself as an individual I’m going to hit you.

A

Hit me?

(B hits A)

B

If you insist.

A

Damn, stop it, I’m- -

(B hits A)

B

Understand that the hitting is for the common good.  The common good.  The Common Good.

(C) copyright Lee Gooden 2007

music

tune in next time for the part 2 of for the benefit for mr. Kite performed by the soit goes players starring Darryl Peterson and Lee Gooden written and directed by Lee Gooden

Produced by Lee Gooden and Darryl Peterson

Now for callers