LAKerri  

I've been trying to think of ways to introduce myself to the public, considered many names - nothing seemed right. The titles never felt right to me - I've just always been me, no matter where I go or have ever been. I put a great deal of effort in being a genuine person and don't feel comfortable with calling myself great things to grab your attention; I don't want to manipulate anyone. I am just me, Kerri – lots of heart but not much flash or flare. I’ve been called other things, different last names, received some titles in life including: reverend, metaphysical practitioner, bachelors in metaphysics, but never use these titles, they are not ‘real’ to me (man made and ego inflating – I try to stay away from heavy ego plays and other toxins in order vibrate at the frequency that it takes to be able to really Heal). Even when I achieve other titles, I can only see myself as Kerri, only one of the at least 6 billion humans alive – no better or worse, above or below anyone.

     After being almost starved to death and shaken as an infant, my sister and I were placed in the foster care system then put up for adoption. I’ve seen and experienced abuse for as long as I can remember – before. I don’t remember anyone ever being nice to me until I was adopted, I was almost four and Alanna - 5. By then, I didn’t trust anyone much except my sister. Alanna protected me as much as she could for being only a small child herself. She saved my life as a baby, when she only a toddler – she snuck bottles of milk to me (they say that I was stored in a box in a closet). Hospital records indicate that I was almost dead, couldn’t lift my head or make a fist at 9 months old – a time when most babies crawl.

     In the ‘70’s the foster care system was bad – I can tell you this from the kid on the inside. According to Social Services records, the last foster home was the best – I ‘blossomed’ there. If they were the best, then I’m glad that I don’t remember the others…these people were mean to me. They would beat me nightly – clockwork, as soon as the man came home from work. They put tape on my mouth and locked me in a dark basement. I also remember having to take baths with the woman – forced to. Alanna says that she remembers much more but doesn’t want to talk about it – she was much older.         The records indicate that she was the liked and pretty child with gold curls and dresses, and I had chopped hair and raggy clothes. She does also remember the basement though – we both remember the baby chickens, there was enough light coming through a window to see them. We never went below, we always sat on the steps, in the dark and cold. I remember listening at the door and hearing happy voices on the other side. Hours and days of this treatment – no love, not much food and only a small cold room with 2 beds.

     Social Services of Wa. placed Alanna and I in a perspective adoptive families home, for a 2 week trial – I remember when they first came to visit us at the wicked foster home. We went to a park – it was a first time that I saw nature much, I felt happy on the swing – my first happy memory – ever.  I’m not sure if I understood that these people were going to be my parents… I just remember this being the first time out of a cold, dark, and painful world. They say that I didn’t talk and that I hyper and would swing on the cupboards. All I remember is fear and joy – fear of who are these people and are they going to hurt me too, is this home for long? Are they pretending to be nice – because nobody acted like that.

     Then came the ‘refining process’, instead of therapy for the traumas that were experienced – we were given discipline. A lot of it, I guess we needed it – especially me. No parent would allow their kids to act that way. So my parents were handing two children that have been severely abused. No programs, no help… just “here’s your new daughters, sign right there and we close this case, another ‘happy ending’”.  Happy for them!

     I’m not sure how things are done these days, but back then – if it happened to a baby, then we can act like it never happened because the baby forgets anyways. Well, it turns out to be far from accurate – these first few years are the most important in development. Well, needless to say – life has been very difficult. I barely was able to cope in school, undiagnosed learning disabilities and shaken infant syndrome that affected my eyes and wouldn’t be diagnosed until at least 15 yrs. later. Confidence was below zero bullied lower every day (by others and myself).  I didn’t trust or believe anyone fully - I was afraid of everyone: from parents teachers and principals…I just tried to stay away from them all. None of them really liked me, I always felt un-liked. I was very perceptive – more than the average person. I could ‘read’ people very well. I knew that most of them didn’t like me, they thought I was different (I now realize that I was projecting my own feelings – of inner pains (self hatred, guilt/shame, timid, fakeness).

     I was never able to deal with the traditional school system – I didn’t even believe much of what I learned (trusted no one and no thing). I could see right through the fakeness of people, I knew the ‘fake’ kids in school and really didn’t want to be around them. I understood them, felt sorry, but didn’t dis-like them. I wished I could’ve really communicated with someone but held back in fear. I really didn’t care about the same sort of subjects either – I would hide in the woods whenever I could get away. My Mom says that I would pick at the leaves; sometimes she said that I would pick at my fingers, it just looked like that – I was always examining something natural. I’ve always been obsessed with nature – Wow, what a world! A little micro reflection of what my grown up world would be. Most people are still fake and mean, some people are nice but I don’t fully trust them – and I escape at every opportunity that arises. 

     I’ve always been able to see energies of people, I suspect a gift that is innate to everyone (human and animal alike) – but gets lost when kids are sheltered and taught things. I compare it to a kitten who finds herself having to survive out of the warmth and shelter and family – the instincts remain sharp. I’ve done thousands of readings for people but I felt that I couldn’t really be of much help to them while I was still feeling low. I deal with feelings that nobody knows of constantly – only my sister may understand (I found out recently that we have another sister who was adopted away).

I’m now 36 and am finally healing. It took the constant medicine (not chemical/drug) for over six months of classes in a domestic violence shelter. After being beaten, used, controlled, mentally, physically, and sexually abused – I found myself seeking some serious help in order to survive. I was finally ready and able to understand that I needed to change.

     My greatest passion is being a mother – damaged as I am, I try to do what I can for my kids. My drive to be there for them gives me a purpose to live. As a Mother who is also in love with nature – I see many sicknesses that are spreading on our planet. I see the weather changing, hear Scientists warning to Humanity, many instable weather conditions in all lands, most world species are dying, many dangerous species multiplying. … it seems like our planet is sick. I fear that the sickness will grow and affect my kids… I don’t feel comfortable watching a disease heading straight for my kids and doing nothing. I understand when I can have comparisons “as above, so bolow” –Visualize any host body, all the species (micro-organisms) should work as a team in harmony for the health and happiness of their host. When they don’t, the host feels painful symptoms – and so do the ‘micro species’. The sickness on our planet can be seen from satellites – there’s not much healthy green left from the view of space – mostly brown areas, toxins, and pollution, ice caps melting faster and faster. The problems are exponentially piling up – if we all wait for ‘them’ to do something – it will be too late. We need to come together with the intention to find solutions, but everyone is so busy keeping up…. With the rat race. We have to look beyond the ‘economic conglomeration’ to see what’s real. We need to understand that the only thing of value in life is nature, that includes ourselves and eachother. We can overlook our cultural inventions for a moment and put the pride away… We are nature made, not system manufactured – and what’s harmful to nature/ourselves should be ‘illegal’ in the natural world (instead of the other way around!). Our bodies are in the image of all nature – same minerals inside as outside… gold, silica, iron etc.., same physical laws, spiritual essences etc..

      The sicker the host gets, the less natural health (resources) would be offered to any single species. When a body is robbed of healthy life energy, balance is thrown and eventually ‘it’ dies. This is why I am so obsessed with trying to heal the planet and people, to do my part and what I can to lift the ‘vibrations’. To bring back health as a priority – I know that it’s the only way to help my kids see a better day – not worse. Any parent should want that as a goal. I’ve seen too many parents get confused and want the kids to make them look or feel good – not many remember that the most important thing that can ever matter is genuine happiness. Going against the grain never works for anyone, especially when they try to go against their own grain (instincts, desires, talents) – for the benefit of appeasing others… Happiness is healing, it’s love and medicine. Sadness and fear are the opposite – a much lower vibration that leads to sickness. All sickness really does come down to fear/ego and anger. Why would we want anyone to be sick, especially our own kids? That’s counter productive on many levels.  When we seek to guide our kids wisely, we leave personal desire (ego) completely out of it.  We visualize the goals for our kids to be happy and successful in a highly competitive system in the most honest way possible. We help them to nurture their true talents – and guide them through tough times. We need not impose our control and authority too much – it only ends in sadness… and kids runaway – I did.

     I ran away at 12 y.o. – back to the harsh world because I couldn’t deal with the battles in life – I just couldn’t cope. I even escaped a mental hospital – I wasn’t delusional or psychotic, but it was the only way anyone could control me – my parents tried to protect me from the dangerous world. I escaped from there – a locked facility. I really didn’t like the isolation and control of these facilities. I especially felt uncomfortable with the other people who were there – there were some people who had a lot of problems, I don’t like having to live with people that are constantly disruptive, hostile, ego-centric (more than the usual). I really don’t know how I survived the years out in the world – memories are faint, none are good.

     In all of my expereiences, I have learned that humans have completely forgotten what life is all about – we are meant to serve something Higher. First priority is our selves, families, each other, and our host (Earth)… Grandmother Earth – everything else can wait.  If people were healthy enough to come ‘back’ together in the spirit of finding solutions, our kids just might have a chance. I see so often where people only care about the styles and brand names – their personal appearance is priority with brand names attached to a glass house ego. Some think they’re more valuable than others because they have more of ‘something’ (money, fame, so called wisdom, degrees etc). People think that the human made economic system is more important than Nature that makes them. We are bound to natural rhythm forever. They forgot and are blinded completely – but this is where I come in.

     All economic systems fail after a while – because they are man manipulated numbers, not natural processes. The rise and fall of the numbers does not reflect any natural rhythm. Resources and people shift in numbers constantly (how can the numbers reflect that – God’s not in control of that. The Creator is referred to as God where I live – so I sometimes use the words interchangeably. Everyone has their own beliefs about ‘Him’ – some kill over them, some are just snobby. All a very low vibration, I try to stay far away from it all.  I feel like it’s the root of a lot of sickness that has been manifested throughout the world. The planet was once a thriving organism – flourishing with life force energy. It is now toxic and sick – my only passion is finding a way to turn that around. I feel that the only way I can do that is to use my insights to heal the people – Medicine for the people is like a shot of antibiotic for the planet. Just as the body needs a strong immune system – so does the planet need strong Healers that work in the same way in order to eradicate ‘dis-ease’ – before it’s too late. I have to close now, life is busy! I love questions, ask me – I’ll answer Spiritually centered questions for free – on the blog. My e-mail is kerriandkids@gmail.com  I delete most messages that say I’ve won something or look like advertisements… make sure you write your name in the subject – maybe even put a few **** . Peace and hugs - Kerri