Lady Delia  

Special Guest: Author Jill Forte
11:00p.m.                             




                              Coming out of the Dark

Coming out of the Dark…..

It’s strange how a nocturnal person like myself, one who loves late night tv, reading, talking, movies, praying, shopping (Wal-Mart excursions), and who has to kind of “ease” into getting up in the morning, doesn’t care for early work hours, etc. has come to embrace, relish in and love the glorious light!!!! 

In one of my pastor’s most recent messages he compared Christians to that of different vegetables.  One of them was the “Potato Saint” that loved the dark, grew in the dark, received it’s nourishment underground.  But that same potato is no earthly good until it is rooted up and brought to the light.  Even then it’s still not ready, it has to be subjected to some kind of heat and preparation, ie: baked, fried, etc. to be of use.  And that was and is true of me. 

I was in a seriously dark state of mind from somewhere shortly after my wedding day of June 18, 1988 until August 12, 2001.  Sunday, August 12, 2001, around ten in the evening, my ex shattered our glass coffee table with the telephone, slapped my glasses off my face and in pieces on the tiled living room floor and proceeded to hit me over my back with a picture in a thick, wooden  frame, glass flying everywhere, my oldest son hiding in the bedroom closet calling my mother in Ohio, my second son holding on to me, my third son pulling on his father and my baby son (God bless him) screaming and crying….it took all of that, and then I suddenly heard those 8 words from my baby that changed my life, our lives, forever:  “Why do you keep letting him do this?”  I couldn’t believe what I heard.  There I was thinking that I was fooling and sheltering my kids, assuming that because they didn’t know about how their father had pressed a warm iron on my face, or how he had pinched me unmercifully leaving huge, lumpy bruises or pulled my hair or refused to come see about me when I was hospitalized with a near fatal allergic reaction that they didn’t know, but they did. In an instant, it was as if the world stood still and a huge lightbulb turned on and I saw the light!!!  At that very moment, I knew that I had to get a plan, stick to it and get out.  Oddly enough, I think my ex felt it too, because he stopped hitting me and just walked quietly and calmly to our bedroom while mumbling something about “…. And I’m not cleaning that mess up either…”  My children huddled around me like scared little rabbits as I confirmed with my mom that I was okay.  She then went on to say in a very sad voice “Jill, I don’t want to get a phone call saying that he has killed you.  Please leave.”, and leave I did, and never looked back.  I know for a fact that God will open doors that no man can close and close some that no man can open.  I was approved for a beautiful 4 bedroom apartment, I shuffled the boys clothes and other necessary items to the apartment whenever I could, and I carried all important papers and documents around in a tote bag every day (my kids tease me about carrying one now – they call it my luggage), just in case I needed to move quickly.  Thanks to my parents being angels from God and coming to get my children for a “Christmas Break mini-vacation” I was able to leave before the new year ringing in on December 29, 2001 and my plan went without a hitch, despite bad credit, despite having a no bank account, despite being chased by my ex out of the house without being able to get my clothes or personal belongings, despite him threatening to have my parents locked up for kidnapping…it didn’t matter.  I was free!!!  God truly made a way of escape for me and the boys to leave and go to our new place in peace.  That was the potato being uprooted.

Then came the heat!!!! Oh my wonderful God, did it come.  As a potato, I was fried, baked, grilled and everything else!   For anyone of color with no money that knows anything about the court/justice system, you know that “THE SYSTEM STINKS!””  I didn’t know, but I found out quickly.  Shortly after moving, my husband contrived a whole scheme to get my children back with him, thinking that it would make me go back.  I, being naïve and trying to do the right, and amicable thing, allowed them to visit with their father, which was a terrible, terrible mistake.  I didn’t realize how much control that he had over them.  I don’t know why, I mean, he didn’t work and had them all day after school or during the summer while I was working sometimes two jobs to survive. Who knows what seeds of discord and disrespect for women and for me, their mother, were being planted into their young, beautiful, impressionable minds?  Well, they were planted and taking root because he convinced them to come back to stay with him and with me on the weekends (which the weak court system allowed) and then he dropped the bomb!!  On one of my weekends, he contrived this whole scheme which included hitting and bruising my third son’s back, leaving marks that were blamed on me, taking him to the hospital, filing an abuse report, speaking to the police and filing a report and then to his lawyer who convinced the judge to revoke my visitation until an “investigation” by Department of Family and Children Services was complete. All of this trouble happened, all in the middle of a bitter custody battle and divorce, no doubt.  Well of course, it made me appear to be the worst person in the world, beating on my poor children and taking them from their very devoted, and sick (non-compliant diabetic) father.  I was ordered to go through with the investigation, to pay child support, and to do everything I could to be civil and cordial with my ex.  Even though the 6 month investigation found nothing, my children’s minds were completely gone at that point.  Finally on tax day, April 15, 2003

I just followed the voice of the Lord who told me “Sign the papers, let them go, I have them covered.  They’re going to have to go through some things, but I have the last say so.”, and that’s what I did.  My ex was so stunned that he was almost locked up for contempt of court for not wanting to sign the divorce papers!! All I wanted was my maiden name back legally, liberal visitation rights, and to be legally unbound to him!!!

Then came the preparation!!  I was diced, sliced, mashed, shredded…all of it!!  During those years I went through going to various court house through metro Atlanta (because he kept moving) that feel like I have earned a honorary law degree.  My ex loves to go to court, loves it!!  During that time it just appeared that he was doing no wrong, he seemed to get everything that he wanted from me….tried his best to break me down.  Well, at times I was nothing but broken, but The Potter put me back together again.  He kept me and molded me and reassured me and loved me.  He filled my circle with people that loved and supported me and removed those that didn’t.  He even sent me a man that loved and supported me totally (something that I never got from my husband).  I went through losing my job paying $45,000 per year to going to one paying $8.50 per hour, having to move to a small apartment,  being judged harshly by the world to the point where I didn’t even feel comfortable sharing my story until recently, it was not easy.  But I made it and most importantly, God is a man that can not lie.  He was true to His word.  In October 2007, my oldest son came back to me at 17 years old.  His father was so cruel that he wouldn’t sign the papers necessary to allow him to attend school in the district where I lived so my son had to commute by bus and train from Dekalb County to Clayton County to attend school.  He was 17 years old with the equivalence of a 9^th grader in credits.  He went through taking extra periods, 2 sessions of summer school, finally changing to the correct district after turning 18 and is now going to graduate in May 2008 and is accepted into Benedict College in Columbia, SC.  My other sons returned me (after my 2^nd son having a knife thrown at him  by his father) in Dec 2006.  Two had dropped out of school and all were behind.  My second son is now working on his GED/night school and wants to pursue a career in Construction and HVAC, my third son will be graduating from the Youth Challenge Military Academy on December 22^nd, has obtained his GED and will be attending South Georgia Technical College in the Fall, and my baby son is a freshmen in high school.  All of my kids are now active in church where my oldest son is the Youth Pastor and organist, my second son is on the praise team and in the choir, my third son is the youth choir director and my baby plays the drums.  God is good, the marvelous light is marvelous and despite the struggle to get and keep my children on track, I know that my story, my journey was much much bigger than me.  It was meant to bless someone else.  If you’re going through anything similar to my situation, hold on and hang in there.  I know that the light can be scary, but run to it.  Expose everything and bask in the warm sun and glow of the love of Christ!!  The next time you have a French fry, think of the goodness of God!!!

Blessings and Peace

Jill  S. Cunningham – Forte