Forget the Birth Certificate—Where's Belly Button, Barack?

Lefties across America heaved a communal sigh of relief when Obama's Hawaiian birth certificate was put online. But a new Barack birth issue has already raised its ugly head. Namely, whither goes Obama’s Belly Button?

Belly Button aficionados, or “Buttoners,” have circled the globe in a wave of outrage, demanding to see proof of Barack’s Button. Without this question answered they will not accept Obama coming from human origins. Buttoners have espoused various theories. Some believe Obama the result of genetic experiments. Others, in a subtle nod of the head to his real father, careful examination of his parts will reveal a cloven hoof.Then others see a more celestial origin—being Alpha Centauri, the Crab Nebula, or even Uranus. Curiously, the colonies of Mars via the Nation of Islam have been cited as perhaps the most likely origins.  Uncovering this divine mystery of Barack’s missing Belly Button is the topic of this essay.