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WHAT’S THE PAYOFF???
Yesterday, I talked about the turning point I was at in my life.
Through a series of events and people, I made a decision to transform my life, and took a journey I know call “Co-Creative Process of Life Recovery” With an underlying foundation of the 12 steps, this process is a holistic approach to regaining a healthy balanced life.
What was promised that I wanted and have got. Initially these were the things I sought.
Promises
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development,
we will be amazed before we are half way through.
We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
No matter how far down the scale we have gone,
we will see how our experience can benefit others.
That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
Self-seeking will slip away.
Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us
what we could not do for ourselves.
Reprinted from Alcoholics Anonymous, pp. 83-84, with permission of A.A. World Services, Inc.
This was a start point. When these things had come true, self-esteem had returned, I had experienced a transformation, personal relationships with family and friends had improved, and in my case, fortunately my marriage had come back together.
I was able to work on other key areas of my life with a whole new foundation, and to get the life I wanted, continue to work with others on specifics’.
If this is something that interests you for your own life, feel free to contact me through www.hopeserenity.ca, and I’d be pleased to share in detail the journey that life and recovery has been for me. I would not change my life today for anything from my past.

EVER FEEL INFERIOR?
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
--Eleanor Roosevelt
Do you constantly-inside of you-feel inferior? Be honest with yourself! If you answered yes, do you want to do something about it?
These questions were prompted by the following reading, and remembering a time when I answered “yes” to both questions:

“In this moment, we are the best we can be. Today, we can work at loving the best in ourselves and not fearing the worst. We are truly wonderful and growing people with gifts and qualities that make us who we are. No one can make us feel inferior without our consent.

Now, we are in charge of our lives and growth. We can choose to let go of old negative thinking. We can choose to think positive, loving thoughts about ourselves. We never need to be victims again to addiction, daily living or to other people. We have options today. We can choose to grow in a positive recovery program. We can choose to have loving, affirming people in our lives.

Today I will stick with the winners. I am a winner today and every day.”
At this point in my journey of life recovery, I can honestly say I am a winner. This did not happen on my own. It came as a result of a co-creative/holistic approach to change and involved several components and I was led by a “coach” who guided me and helped me set goals. The journey included a “group” approach and the 12 step principles, the development of a spiritual (not religious) approach to life, many outside specialists and “winners” as situations developed and a focus on balance. The journey has made me one of, not inferior to any person, in other words, in my own way, a winner.
If I can help you to look at a way out, and at no obligation, please look at hopeserenity.ca and through a chat, you may find answers that will prevent you from ever feeling inferior again.

DENIAL and YOU!
The last thing I ever wanted in my life was to be an addict.
There I was a model of success to most of my outside world. Good job, nice home a great family, community volunteer, yada yada yada. Sure I had problems, but doesn't everyone.
As a part of a marriage break up (yes, another one), a therapist had the nerve to suggest substance abuse may be a big issue.
That statement was met with total DENIAL.
My friend Patrick Meninga wrote today in his "Spiritual River" the following words. As you read, substitute whatever word you want for alcohol:
"Denial is all about trying to stay on the hamster wheel and appear somewhat normal. The alcoholic tries to maintain and stay somewhat happy through being self medicated all the time. This becomes a difficult balancing act because the alcoholic will realize that they cannot really enjoy themselves with their drinking unless they let lose completely and drink as much as they want. But at the same time, they know that they have a tendency to get into trouble when they do so, and so they struggle to restrict their drinking in order to maintain control.

This struggle for control plays a central role in the life of the alcoholic and it cannot be overcome without complete surrender. The surrender is defined by the absence of this struggle for control. Once this is dropped, then recovery can begin. But if the alcoholic is still trying to maintain this struggle, then they are not ready to stop drinking. Until they do let go of this great struggle, they are still trapped in denial, believing that they might somehow both enjoy and control their drinking at the same time.

Surrender happens when the alcoholic transcends this struggle for control and accepts the idea that they could abstain from alcohol entirely.

This is not so much an action step. It is sort of like the opposite of action. Surrender is a release. The alcoholic is letting go of something."I found out in my own life Denial is not a river in Egypt, and surrendered. It started a great journey. There are some questions on my web site (www.hopeserenity.ca) you might want to ask yourself and answer honestly when you are in private. They may help you to break through and start your own recovery process!

I HAVE TRUST ISSUES
Learning to trust is one of life's most difficult tasks.
-- Isaac Watts

Funny how many people I have run into convey that they have "trust issues". Can you relate? As Watts quote says, learning to trust can be very hard.
For me, I lost trust initially in my family, specifically my mother, at a fairly young age. As life progressed and I started acting out and find ways to escape reality, I lost trust in myself. In my first marriage, I was the betrayer and in return was betrayed. I can relate to those who have "trust issues".
We marry for better or for worse, we expect some ups and downs, but once we feel we've been betrayed, we are lost.
If we've been lied to so many times we can no longer think straight, if we've been fooled into thinking we are at fault for an impossible financial situation because we don't work, don't earn enough, or because we spend too much, or if we've been manipulated into believing that by co-signing a loan all our problems would disappear, we've been betrayed. The person we thought we were supposed to trust and to turn to for emotional support is not being trustworthy or supportive.
Getting through betrayal is a long process, one that both parties must be willing to commit to in the most profound way. If one party is unwilling to be consistently trustworthy and the other is unwilling to forgive, the cracked foundation only crumbles further. Funny how that works.
There are many of us who state they have trust issues, but then claim to have a deep and abiding faith is a "Higher Power" with an active spiritual life. Can this be so if we don't trust?
I had to work extremely hard at my low point to restore my self-respect. Over time, it returned. I had to find a "Higher Power" beyond my conscious self that I could trust and have faith in. It came almost through a series of small steps and these included learning to trust "me" again with the help of a "higher power"

By the time I started the process of life recovery just for me, I trusted people too little and had lost all trust in or sense of a higher power. As importantly, I had lost trust in myself and without self trust, external trust is impossible. To accept trust in self has been lost was an act that led to a dose of both reality and humility.
Today, with the help of a higher power, I trust again, and over time, have learned where to place trust with more accuracy. Today I trust myself to act with proper intentions.
Have you got trust issues?
My experiences with dealing with trust may be of benefit to you. Have a look at hopeserenity.ca.

I AM IMPORTANT!
I can well remember the first meeting I had with a recovery professional back in 1994.
He asked me about myself, and I quickly gave him a list of my personal, athletic, business and community volunteer leadership roles. Man, I was important!
I was quickly told that I was self centered and had an ego as big as Ontario (truly I had no self-esteem left). I had a need to be right and was very sensitive to criticism. Can you relate?
Call it self importance, call it ego, call it false pride; I have now accepted the defects I have, who I am and can handle criticism when it is merited and take responsibility for my own mistakes. (I certainly have not become a doormat).
Self importance certainly delayed my start to a life transformation and journey of life recovery.
From Hazelden:
Self importance is our greatest enemy. Think about it - what weakens us is feeling offended by the deeds and misdeeds of our fellowmen. Our self importance requires that we spend most of our lives offended by someone.
--Carlos Castaneda

“Were we offended by someone yesterday? Do we harbour resentment for remarks, oversights, or unpleasant mannerisms? Do we feel tense or uneasy about how someone else has treated us? We can probably make a good case to justify our reactions. Perhaps we are in the right and they are in the wrong.

Yet, even if we are justified, it doesn't matter. We may be puffing ourselves up and wasting energy. When we are oversensitive, we take a self-righteous position which leads us far from our path of spiritual awakening. Our strength is diminished.

How much better it is to let go of the lightness, let go of our grandiosity, and accept the imperfections in others. We need to accept our own imperfections too. When we do, we are better for it, and our strength and energy can be focused on richer goals.

I will accept others' imperfections; I do not need to be right. “
Appreciate that self importance is holding you back in having the life you want? If we can help you to develop an action plan with realistic goals, please contact through www.hopeserenity.ca.