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Coping with Families

Some universal truths I have learned in my own process of life recovery and in working with hundreds of others. "Family" is an issue I hear about almost everyday, and deal with directly on many occasions in my own life. As today is a statutory holiday here in Ontario-"Family Day",- it is a very appropriate subject to blog/journal about.

Those of us who have allowed our life to hit a low point have had/are having  a negative impact on every member of our immediate family. I have seen no exceptions, just a lot of people in denial about it. Years ago I was one of those in denial; today I see and live with the results. Coaching will help every member of the family to recover from the impact of the person who has "bottomed", and family members need a recovery journey of their own that is independent and different from the "bottomed" person. I see this still in my own family, and this is after many years of my recovery journey.

While many of my clients became very selfish in the life that led to their low point (but at times thought themselves selfless), early in a co-creative process of life recovery, they must be selfish for a period of time. Turning your life around is hard work, major change is full time work and hard work that gets emotional. This is planned short term work on "self" with a long term goal of being able to be truly selfless.

They payoff; you can't give away what you haven't got (try it with money), and you can't give away love, respect, honesty, understanding and more if you haven't got it for YOURSELF.

Think about it, it is pure common sense.

In recovery, the family dynamic is extremely important and requires a lot of thought, and in some instances, tough decisions. I just read:

"There are many paths to self-care with families. Some people choose to sever connections with family members for a period of time. Some people choose to stay connected with family members and learn different behaviours. Some disconnect for a time, and then return slowly on a different basis.

There is no one or perfect way to deal with members of our family in recovery. It is up to each of us to choose a path that suits us and our needs at each point in time.

The idea that is new to us in recovery is that we can choose. We can set the boundaries we need to set with family members. We can choose a path that works for us, without guilt and obligation or undue influence from any source, including recovery professionals.  Our goal is to be able to take care of ourselves, love ourselves, and live healthy lives despite what family members do or don't do. We decide what boundaries or decisions are necessary to do this.

Higher Power, help me choose the path that is right for me with family. Help me understand there is no right or wrong in this process. Help me strive for forgiveness and learn to detach with love, whenever possible. I understand that this never implies that I have to forfeit self-care and health for the good of the system."

Experience tells me that the chances for recovering a balanced, holistic  life increase dramatically with the help of a trained and certified professional to coach you to success. This is in addition to any fellowship programs you may take part in or short term treatment facilities, tapes or self-help books and seminars you avail yourself of. Remember your family in the process. Encourage them to get the help they need to not only understand what you are going through, but to help them get their own lives back on a solid footing. For those that do it, you are giving your family a gift out of respect for the impact you have had on them.

True recovery is far more rewarding and beneficial if you have family recovery. The "Co-Creative Process of Life Recovery" addresses individuals and family members. We can help at www..hopeserenity.ca. Happy Family Day, and take advantage of a free hour of coaching. We guarantee results for those clients we chose to work with!